He Holds Me Tight
by aliensexual
Summary: Dark!Sebastian kidnaps Ciel and keeps him as a sex slave/pet.
1. Chapter 1

**Warnings: rape, language, slut shamming. This is extremely dark, proceed with caution.**

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><p>Ciel lost track of the days a long time ago. It was important at the beginning to know how long his life had been like this, but not, here in this too dark room with only a dripping faucet for sound, he's almost given up home. His last day count had gone well into the two-hundreds, he's sure it's at least been a year. A year, his body trembles, not from the persistent chill, but the terror. This is not how he pictured his life, a constant struggle to remember his name. To remember his life outside of this, that he was more than Sebastian's petboyfriend.

Some days, his mind plays tricks and hours slip away so quickly and he only realize the day is over because he's in Sebastian's bed, those unmovable, possessive arms as tight on his bruised body as the chain that locks his collar to the bed. He can barely move without Sebastian waking, he'd never even make it to the door, chain or no chain. Today is not like that. Today his mind is so achingly human. Fragile and everything hurts, from his legs, tucked up underneath him, to his head, bowed in a mock of surrender. The metal of the bars are pressing on his back, there is already a pattern there, it fades, usually. This cage is just too small. It's not meant for a person, not meant for Ciel. He just wants out.

Five-hundred drips from the faucet, he's been counting, later and the front door opens. Ciel's heart starts to race, his body shaking even more now that danger is so close. He counts down the thirty-three steps it takes Sebastian to get from the door to the bedroom. The light flickers on instantly, blinding Ciel with the brightness. "Ciel," Sebastian is close to the bars, bent down to unlock the cage and Ciel keeps his head down. He doesn't know if he can manage to speak anything other than hopeless pleas for freedom. It hurts worse when Sebastian just looks at him like he doesn't understand that Ciel doesn't want this, it's hard to tell if that's true or if Sebastian is just messing with him. Once the door is open he crawls out, hands and knees are so much stronger these days.

"Did you miss me?" Sebastian asks, hand smoothing over Ciel's slate hair and ending at the collar. Ciel doesn't need to reply, his throat is sore and he is just thankful to be out of the cage. Sebastian knows this, Ciel is pretty sure he gets a thrill out of the fear in Ciel's eyes every time he locks him inside. The first time he had gone in the wretched thing still makes his arm ache, and he lets out a whimper.

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><p>"<em>Please. No, no." Ciel had begged. Arms and legs kicking out as Sebastian had grabbed him from behind. That cage was tiny, he'd never be able to move in there. "Please," he cries, tears spilling down his cheeks, he can't handle this, it wasn't right. Sebastian obviously disagreed.<em>

_He grasped Ciel's collar at the back of the neck and pulled, nearly cutting off his air supply. _

"_Ciel," he says it with fondness, "what happens when you disobey me?" It's a warning, a clear warning. Ciel couldn't heed it, not this, "I'll do anything else," he tried, "please Sebastian, cuff me in the bathroom, the bed, anywhere, just not this." It just can't happen. There is no way he cannot break while being trapped in that cage like a misbehaved dog. The fingers on his collar tighten, his own hands try to come up when his windpipe is being pressed against too hard. _

_It's the wrong move to make, Sebastian did not like that at all, and with his free hand he grabbed Ciel's and twisted it painfully around his back and stretched it out so it burned with pain. "Get in the cage Ciel." and he let go of him completely. Like cutting the strings off a puppet, Ciel crumbled to the floor, but he doesn't think about the pain. _

_The cage is safe, if he did what Sebastian wanted then the pain would stop coming. He scrambled into the cage as quickly as he could with the abused arm clutched to his chest. _

"_Don't think I'll forget how long you took to get in there," Sebastian glared. He flicked off the light before he left and Ciel didn't see him again for a whole day._

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><p>"Ciel, come along," Sebastian's demand breaks Ciel from his awful thoughts and he eagerly follows him to the living room and right past the unlocked front door. The tug in his chest when he sees it is so strong, but he can also see outside the windows, they are in the middle of nowhere and winter is frosting on the glass. He'll never make it to a road before he dies of frostbite, or until Sebastian found him and brought him back for a punishment that he probably would not survive. The thought of it makes him lean into Sebastian's jean clad leg, he needs to be good today.<p>

"Are you hungry pet?" Sebastian bends down just to rub behind Ciel's ear, it's almost comforting. Ciel pushes into Sebastian's hand as a response, he's starving. Yesterday had not gone well and when things end up badly, it always leaves him with a very empty stomach and an even more parched throat. Sebastian gets back up, "lets go eat," he says and Ciel is close on his heels, only going as far as the small table and kneeling by his two dinner bowls.

Sebastian turns to the fridge while Ciel watches. He makes sure to not flinch or move, this is where everything went wrong yesterday. He had thought Sebastian had been so busy with the meal that he had tried to sneak into the study. The study held the laptop and Sebastian's cellphone, though they both were password protected, he had wanted to try. Today holds no such hopes, he just wants to eat. Sebastian is nearly done anyway, he's pretty sure it's just leftovers from the day before, and soon Sebastian is scooping the food into Ciel's bowl.

He waits though, waits until Sebastian is seated and only when Sebastian has sat down and his bare feet rest on Ciel's shoulders does he lower himself down to the bowl and eats. After dinner is the same, Ciel is allowed to use the bathroom, (one of the rare times he's allowed to stand) brushes his teeth, uses the toilet, and promptly crawls back to the living room. Kneels by the black loveseat, and waits for Sebastian.

This moment, with Sebastian humming in the kitchen and the front door is open is one of the worst. The study is also open, a locked up laptop and password protected cell sit in open view on the desk. Even though he knows it's helpless, his entire being is always pulled to that room. Ciel let's out a surprise hiccup when he feels Sebastian's hand on his shoulder, it's fleeting, Sebastian moves to sprawl on the loveseat. He keeps his hand close, always there in Ciel's line of vision. "You're quiet tonight, pet. Something on your mind?" Sebastian doesn't turn the tv on as usual, instead he is watching Ciel, waiting. Ciel shakes his head no, not making eye contact with Sebastian, looking anywhere else but those cold scarlet eyes.

He watches the small tilt of a smile on Sebastian's lips, the quirk of an eyebrow. Sebastian's hand cups his cheek, trying to force his gaze, "well," his thumb dips into his mouth, "if you're not going to provide conversation, I can think of another way you can please me."

Sebastian pulls his hand away and sits up on the cushion, spreads his legs. Ciel is already sliding in between them before he even realizes it. He hates this, hates how his fingers no longer shake as they undo the button and slowly pull down the zipper. It's not something he wants to do, but that really hasn't mattered to Sebastian. If he doesn't do what Sebastian wants, there will be something worse.

Sebastian lifts his hips just enough so Ciel can pull them down, he doesn't take them completely off, it's easier to just do this and then pull them back on. He isn't wearing boxers, and Ciel is slowly palming his half hard dick, wetting his lips and trying to get a few more deep breaths in. Fingers lock behind his head, he covers up his teeth and moves forward.

Sebastian's cock tastes almost like a reward, as much as Ciel loathes to admit to himself. He sinks his mouth over the flesh expertly, breathing through his nose and Sebastian pulls him closer. Sebastian always directs, Ciel just needs to keep his mouth open and not let his teeth press down. "Like this, don't you pet?" _No, no, no,_ Ciel can't stand it when Sebastian whispers lies to him while he does this.

He almost chokes when Sebastian inches down his throat, a bit more forceful than usual, "Just what you need, could tell the second I saw you. No one can take care of you like me, they don't even want you. Haven't cared that you've been gone baby." Ciel can't even block him out, not with the way the words hurt so badly, "it's okay though, I've got you and you're not going anywhere."

Sebastian moans out a curse, fucking Ciel's throat with little care, "so good, pet. Such a good boy." The only way to stop him talking is to get him off quicker.

Ciel bobs his head fast, with more speed than Sebastian's fingers. Pushes his cock harder into his throat and using his tongue to massage the base. His eyes are wet, tears slipping down his face and he can feel the saliva dripping down his chin. None of that matters though, he just has to get this over with. He'll worry about the mess later, worry about how fucked up his body is since he's grinding against the couch, all of that comes later.

Sebastian's hips start rolling up into the wet heat, forces his cock to go so much further than Ciel is used to and he can feel the cough start. The way his breathing almost stops, but it's gone a second later and Sebastian's come is filling his mouth. He doesn't think, just swallows like it's water and he's dying of thirst. Sebastian takes his hands off Ciel, as out of breath as Ciel is. He pulls up his jeans, and Ciel is helping the zipper and button on reflex. Hands not so steady now but enough to get them up. He pulls his still hard cock away from the loveseat and closes his eyes when Sebastian's hand comes back to his face.

"So good, Ciel," Sebastian compliments, wiping off the saliva off his chin.

"Come on up," he sounds tired.

Ciel opens his eyes and sees that Sebastian is sprawled out again. Carefully he climbs on top and tucks himself into Sebastian, forehead pressed against Sebastian's chest and fingers clutching the fabric of his shirt. The friction of Sebastian's jeans over his bare cock isn't unpleasant, and Ciel is used to sleeping this way. He is already half asleep by the time Sebastian's hand starts petting his hair and the tv gets turned on. The pain in his arms is starting to get uncomfortable. He can't feel past his wrists, and his neck hurts from holding this position.

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><p>He's in the cage, feet numb, legs folded under himself with his stomach pressed to his thighs and knees. He hands are outstretched behind him and up, chained to the top of the cage with handcuffs. He thinks, if that was all, then it wouldn't be so terrible, still painful, but not as bad as this. Headphones over his ears, the expensive noise blocking ones, and a blindfold over his eyes, the leather invading his senses. He has never felt so helpless. This is by far the worst punishment Sebastian has given him, the worst he's ever felt, his stomach is so empty, his throat beyond dry and there is a cloudiness beginning to form in his head.<p>

How long has he been left here? It feels like days, but Ciel's sense of time is completely off having fallen asleep a few times in this binding. He can't even know if Sebastian is in the room. He's called out to him a few times, begged and pleaded to be let out but he hasn't felt Sebastian since he got shuffled in here and did up the restraints. He apologized profusely, for every little thing, to attacking him, to not following his orders, but there is no sound, no touch, no nothing calling back to him. Just so dark, cold, and his muscles are all cramped, locked in this unnatural position for so long. The bones in his wrist pop when he tries to move them, and he's pretty sure his left shoulder is about to dislocate from the pulling he did earlier. It was already so sore to begin with.

And suddenly, there is a touch.

Sebastian's hands are lifting up the headphones, his voice just a whisper but sounds so loud after nothing for so long. "Ciel, you need to stop struggling."

"Please Sebastian," _Oh god, is that his voice?_ It's cracking, dry, and so much unlike himself.

"Let me out of here, I want out so badly, can't stay in here. It's hurting me, Sebastian, please, let me apologize, let me be good. I'm so sorry for attacking you. It won't happen again.

"Please," he tries to continue but his throat aches at the small speech already and he coughs instead, the cough consuming his whole body and making it shudder.

Sebastian's hand rubs down his neck, gently pats his shoulder and Ciel leans into the touch as much as he can whimpering quietly. He feels his face heat up when the hand traces over his ass, but they don't linger, trailing on his side and up again. They glide over his neck, land on his lips and this is a test. Ciel opens his mouth instantly, licking the fingers and sucking them in. He doesn't use teeth, just massages them with his tongue and waits. The fingers don't stay long, remove themselves with a small popping sound, "okay Ciel," Sebastian says warmly.

Ciel listens as he hears him get up and the sound of a key unlocking the handcuffs sounds like a miracle. His arms drop like dead weight to his sides. He will wait till Sebastian removes the blindfold, not daring to take it off himself. Sebastian does, and Ciel is surprised to see that the room is dim, only one light on far away with a scarf over the shade. Sebastian's hands hoist under his arms and helps him out of the cage, the entire time his bones feel like they're cracking, trying to get blood flowing back into the abused limbs. He hisses when he has to put weight on his arms, they feel so weak. Sebastian is sitting with his legs parted on the ground, Ciel comes in between them and bows his head on his chest.

He has Sebastian's arms wrap around him a breath later and he's only noticing that the shirt he's laying on is drenched in tears that he doesn't remember crying. He can't help it though, that was terrifying, if Sebastian is trying to break him then Ciel feels that he's going to succeed if they keep getting worse. He'll break and shatter and his mind will blank out, he has no doubt. Already his fingers are clenching the fabric of Sebastian's shirt with all of the strength he has left, and when he feels how hard Sebastian's cock is against him he doesn't think twice about what he's about to do next, he needs to be forgiven, needs the reassurance that he'll not have to go through that punishment again.

His hands pull away and he lowers himself down obediently, lowers the zipper, undoes the button, and pulls them down just enough. Sebastian's cock, already slick and beading with pre-come, makes his mouth water, and he doesn't hesitate to suck it into his mouth. The taste is freeing after having been without anything for so long, he swallows the pre-come, tongues at the slit greedily, needing something to coat his dry throat. He moans at the fullness, the wetness, and doesn't stop sucking. Sebastian is cursing above him, his hips rolling with Ciel's motions, he's so close already, and Ciel tries not to think about why that is.

He redoubles his efforts, a hand to his own neck so he can feel when Sebastian's cock hits the back of his throat. He's taking him further than he has in the past, his gag reflex only kicking in slightly when Sebastian jolts forward and he isn't prepared for it. A swipe to the tip of his head later and Sebastian is coming, flooding his mouth in come and he swallows it down eagerly.

Licking up the length of Sebastian's cock to make sure he gets every last bit, mouthing at his balls, and even the sweat tastes like water to him. Sebastian's hands are pushing on his shoulder, "Ciel, stop, too much." Sebastian sounds breathless, slumping to the wall behind him and only half doing up his jeans again. Ciel crawls up into him again, kisses Sebastian's fingers when they reach out to his face and licks at the skin showing at the collar. Sebastian wraps around him again, and he welcomes the warmth it brings.

He ducks his head back to Sebastian's chest and ignores the rumble of hunger from his stomach. Under his ear, Sebastian's heart is beating so loud, it's oddly calming and Ciel relaxes, boneless, rag-doll like on top of him. He delights in the way Sebastian is holding him, the feel of his clothes against Ciel's nude body.

The way he kisses the top of Ciel's head, it feels safe here. He doesn't know how long they stay cuddled, eyes closed, and the hunger feeling far away, not as important. It could be minutes, or hours and he couldn't tell the difference. Eventually though, Sebastian pulls him up, carries him over to the living room and sets him down on top of the couch. The coffee table in front of it has a plate full of baked chicken and steamed veggies, a huge glass of water and though he no longer feels the hunger paining him.

He lets Sebastian feed him small pieces and tip the water glass to his mouth for a drink.

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><p>Waking up is in stages, the touch of fingertips across his back, over his arms. His knees being pulled apart, and legs spread. It's only when the clink of cuffs against his wrists does he truly start to wake. He is face down on the bed, hands outstretched to the headboard and is looking at a black pillowcase. Sebastian's fingertips are wet and tracing down the knob of his spine, determined in their journey down. "Awake pet?" Sebastian's voice is heavy, lust-filled, he can feel the hardness of the man's cock against the inside of his thigh.<p>

"Was having so much fun, you make the best noises when you're not playing scared." He laughs, body moving up so his mouth is near Ciel's ear, "can't you feel it Ciel? Your body is just waiting for it's reward." Ciel turns away from Sebastian's face, he doesn't care that by now his body is conditioned to behave under Sebastian's hands, he doesn't want this. Even that night where he sucked Sebastian's cock after being let out, it was all a means to an end.

At least he keeps telling himself, he hates to think that Stockholm Syndrome may he starting to take hold of his mind. Sebastian's fingers are sliding into the crack of Ciel's ass now, three of them pressing down and when they get to his entrance, it feels welcome. Ciel even feels his hips pull up, getting all three of them inside quicker. "See Ciel, you love this," Sebastian whispers, "always so eager now, bet you dream of us, on your knees in front of me or having me fuck into you over and over again." Each word delivered with a sharp thrust into his ass, they're hitting his prostate and Ciel hates himself for pressing back for more.

Sebastian is right about the dreams, or nightmares, he can't escape Sebastian in any sort of consciousness.

"Bet I could get you to come like this," Sebastian continues, oblivious to Ciel's own distress as usual, "and then when you're all oversensitive I'll be able to slide right in and fuck your body past it's pain, make you come again from my cock. We both know you are such a slut for it."

No, Ciel is trying to survive. He's trying to get out of this with as little as damage as possible. He's powerless to stop Sebastian, quite literally at his will, to do with as he sees fit.

Sebastian is smiling against the base of his neck, right below the collar where it always hurts.

He trails his other hand around Ciel's hip and settles it over Ciel's cock that feels like it's been hard for hours. It probably has. It's not going to take a lot for him to come, even the fear of what will happen afterwards is not enough to take Ciel's body out of the training it's acquired.

"Being such a good boy, Ciel," Sebastian starts to stroke, the other still pounding into him. His whole body is surrounding Ciel's, cock hard against Ciel's lower back. "My pet," he whispers, mouth near his ear and he bites the lobe sending Ciel's body to rock into him.

"Want you like this always, just should leave you tied to the bed with a toy in your ass. Want you ready and willing pet," Ciel can't drown out the words. The way they picture in his mind, his body is so close to falling apart, his mind feels the same. "Wouldn't have to cage you then, you're always just trying to get away and you know that's not allowed." A hint of anger creeps into his voice, but it's gone in the next breath, "so good, Ciel. You're perfect. Made for only me, made to be mine."

Ciel can't hold out any longer, body drumming, heart humming, "come Ciel," and he's helpless to deny Sebastian anything. His body shakes in the aftershocks, can feel the wetness on Sebastian's hand that is reaching up, right till his hand in front of Ciel's face. He cleans it up without a second of hesitation, sucks the fingers clean. He is still on the last finger when it's pulled away and the fingers in his ass are being drawn out.

"Hands and knees, pet," Sebastian orders, hands gripping Ciel's hips and helping him into the position. Ciel feels lifeless, loosened limbs, and is still shuddering.

"I-" but he can't figure out how to end that sentence, he doesn't think Sebastian heard him anyway.

His own hands are gripping the the lower part of the headboard, knuckles already white and Sebastian doesn't wait any longer, he slams into Ciel, his cock filling him up with one long thrust. It's a lot, he's so oversensitive, and when Sebastian pulls back and pushes in harder he can't help but let out a high pitched moan. "Yes," Sebastian is nearly purring at the sounds Ciel can't help keep quiet, "louder pet," and the words are said with a smack to his ass. That does make Ciel cry, screaming out curses as Sebastian continues to slap him. It's nothing new, but added with Ciel's vulnerability, it feels like so much more.

His arms are shaking again, and he's pretty sure the only way he hasn't collapsed is because Sebastian's hand around his hip. "Sebastian," he's out of breath and even speaking is difficult, "Sebastian," he can't get past the name, just keeps calling it, moaning it when Sebastian's cock hits his abused body just right and he can feel his cock start to harden again, even past the pain. "Fuck Ciel," Sebastian sounds just as wrecked, hips moving out of sync now and Ciel is so thankful that it's going to be over soon.

His own moans are being drowned out by Sebastian as he gets faster, the sound of their skin so loud, and he's not smacking Ciel anymore but his hips hit the red skin every time they snap together and it's enough of an echo that it never feels like he stopped. Sebastian stills behind him, not coming, not yet, but pulling back. Ciel almost looks behind him to see what Sebastian is doing, but Sebastian is pulling him back, on top of him and stretching the cuffs to the max as Ciel finds himself in Sebastian's lap, impaled on his cock. The angle has Sebastian's cock right up against his prostate, and Ciel is unaware he's even moving until he hears the chuckles at his ear. "Told you, pet. Such a whore for it, aren't you?" Sebastian thrusts up and Ciel chokes on his own saliva with the surprise.

Like this, Sebastian is everywhere, his head next to Ciel's, and it feels so intimate, so much unlike everything else, the only focus Ciel has is the pain in his wrists as they chafe against the metal. Yet, even that seems to go away when Sebastian rocks his hips upward and a hand resumes on Ciel's cock. Least it's wet, and Sebastian is going fast now, Ciel meets the pace, letting whatever sounds spill out of him and that seems to be enough for Sebastian.

He thrusts up a few more times in a quick succession and then is coming into Ciel, biting onto the skin of Ciel's collar as he rides out his orgasm. It's the end for Ciel, so used to mixing pain and pleasure that he comes over Sebastian's fist for the second time and then slumps forward the second Sebastian pulls him off. Even the mess on the comforter that smears against his skin doesn't bother him. It's not like he doesn't have Sebastian's come spilling out of his ass.

"So good, pet," Sebastian coos. "Love you," he tells and Ciel turns his face into the pillow. He can't stand to hear that, not that one, he trembles when Sebastian curls up next to him, hands so possessive on his skin and tries to focus on the blood running down his wrists, that has to be better than this.

The first day was by far the worst.

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><p><em>Ciel is so disoriented upon wakening. He can feel the bed under him, the cold metal on each wrist, but his body is burning. Flushed from head to toe and so hard that he is unconsciously rutting up to whatever that was on top of him. That is, until the thing started moving, breathing, and he finally opened his eyes.<em>

_Scarlet eyes, a mess of raven hair, pale skin, and a dirty smirk, "Sebastian?" but they had just met, not even a few hours ago. "What-What's going on?" the words brought to attention how dry his throat felt. How long had he been asleep? Where was he? Sebastian's hand comes up, gentle, smoothing over his hair, then down his face, it stays at his cheek. Why is Sebastian so cold? He flinches when Sebastian's thumb rubs under his eye. "You're safe, Ciel. It's okay." Sebastian's voice sounds so different now, excited even._

_Ciel can see the light of amusement in his eyes. Something is very wrong here. He tries to shift his body away, duly noting that he is naked with Sebastian's very nude body is pinned on top of him. "No," he pulls down on the handcuffs, "Not this, Sebastian, don't do this." Oh god, where the hell was he? Why wasn't anyone here to help him? He can't move, chained to this bed, and Sebastian doesn't even care. Sebastian is getting off on his terror, planned to take him, probably has much worse in store for Ciel._

_"You want this," Sebastian smirks, his hips thrusting down, their cocks sliding together. "So hard for me, such a good boy, Ciel." Sebastian leans down then, bypasses Ciel's face and starts to lick and suck at his neck and shoulders instead._

_No, no, he doesn't want this. He knows that bodies react to pleasure, it doesn't matter where it came from. Oh god, and he can feel tears sliding down his face, when did he start crying? The hand on his face suddenly slides down to his lips. "Open up Ciel," Sebastian says and twists his nipple with his free hand._

_"Fu-" he gets cut off by the three very persistent fingers in his mouth. "Bite them and you'll regret it," Sebastian warns as he lifts himself up, staring, almost entranced, at the fingers pushing in and out of Ciel's mouth. Ciel can feel Sebastian's cock harden further, twitching and still rubbing up against Ciel's. "Get them nice and wet," Sebastian whispers. Ciel feels his body tighten, his stomach is starting to ache and there is no stopping this. There will be no rescue, no cops banging down the doors, and god, if his father saw him like this, if anyone did, he would never be able to look at them, but still, he'd take it over this. _

_Sebastian is going to rape him, he's seen Sebastian's face and he knows how these stories end._

_He barely notices when Sebastian's fingers leave his mouth. Isn't fully aware of anything until he legs are up, pushed apart and a finger is pressing at his ass. It isn't even a tease, the finger shoves in and Ciel screams. He isn't sure if it's that bad, but his body can't relax like this, his mind is in overdrive. "Now," Sebastian directs his attention back to him, "you be good, no kicking," he stares at Ciel's pale legs, "and I'll make sure you feel just as good as I do."_

_"If I don't?" Ciel's words slip, unbidden from his mouth. "What else could you possibly do?" Sebastian's finger suddenly slips out, Ciel almost sighs in relief, but it can't be that easy._

_Suddenly three fingers are there, and all at once they thrust inside. Ciel howls at the intrusion, trying to get his body away, struggling so much against the cuffs but he can't feel that pain, can only feel the agony of those fingers fucking their way into him. "Ciel," Sebastian is still smiling, how can he be smiling? What is wrong with him? The three fingers move out, replacing themselves with two now, slowly gliding in and out._

_"Promise me when I say that you don't want to find out." The fingers go deeper, Ciel knows anatomy and when he feels them curl upwards slightly he yelps. Hating his body because it feels good and nothing should feel like that at a time like this._

_"I think you should apologize," Sebastian hits his prostate again, harder this time, "and" his grin never fading, his other hand starting to stroke Ciel's cock, "tell me to fuck you. I want you to beg for it."_

_Ciel can't believe what he's hearing. He doesn't care that his body is reacting to Sebastian, he can't ask for that, he can't apologize. There is nothing he's done wrong besides put trust in a man that he shouldn't have. Even if his hips are moving with Sebastian's hand and fingers, he knows logically that he can't control that, he doesn't want this. He's still crying, how can Sebastian ever think that he's going to do anything that he says? Sebastian adds another finger, still looking at Ciel so expectantly, still smirking. Ciel is sure he's never hated someone so much._

_"Not going to talk, pet?" Sebastian asks, he seems so proud of himself, as if he knows that Ciel is going to give in. "That's okay, I can do this for hours. Keep you full and hard but not letting you come. It would be a treat." There is no part of that sentence that Ciel thinks is a lie._

_"I've got so many toys, could try them all on you." He curses, loudly, as his cock starts rocking against Ciel's again. "You would be so loose by the time I fuck you, and you will beg for it, pet. Do you want to see the drawer I keep them in? All shapes, all sizes, all kinds of fun attachments. Start you with the small ones and work our way up to where if I wanted, could put my whole fist inside you." He is serious. Ciel is either going to have a pro-longed rape, and eventually beg for it, or plead for it now. He is trapped here, in Sebastian's home, and he knows that this is only the opening act for a very long show._

_The pillow under him is soaked, he can feel it on the back of his neck, he hasn't stopped crying since he started and he can feel his chest heave with how fast his heart is beating. He is going to have to do this, his body will deal with it, his mind will heal eventually. "I'm sorry," he whispers, head turned to the pillow, he can't look at Sebastian and say this. "I'm so sorry," voice gaining momentum. He knows this next part is going to be the worst. Sebastian takes a hand off his cock, cups his cheek and forces Ciel's gaze to his. "And?" he sounds delighted._

_Then again, why wouldn't he? The fingers in his ass pull out, "come on, pet," he prompts._

_"Please," don't make me say this, don't do this, "fuck me." Sebastian reaches over, beyond __where Ciel can see, and comes back with a bottle, he knows what that is._

_"Doesn't really sound like pleading to me," Sebastian goes forward again, and this time, that thing in his hand, it's huge, it'd tear him up. "Maybe you do want to play after all," He laughs, like all of this is a joke. _

_"No!" Ciel screams, his pride beyond broken now. He can't have that thing in him. He can't even imagine what else Sebastian could have, there could be bigger, or made to hurt, and he can't deal with that._

_"Please Sebastian, I want you. Your cock inside of me. Please, I don't want the toys. Just you, only you." Sebastian's eyes look as if they're turning black, but Ciel focuses on the fact that he tosses that thing away from them. He watches as Sebastian opens up the lube, hissing when he starts to coat himself with it. "Say it again," he pulls Ciel's useless legs up to his chest so his knees are pressing against his stomach. Sebastian's cock is at his entrance now, waiting._

_"Please fuck me Sebastian," his sobs are wrecking his body, "n-need you to fuck me. Only you, just you." He screams when Sebastian finally thrusts inside, a long and painful push that doesn't end until their hips touch and Ciel has never felt so unclean. He feels disgusted with himself, this is never going to go away. His whole body feels numb except where they are connected, and when Sebastian's cock hits his prostate he comes messily between both of their stomachs._

* * *

><p>The memory is a little hazy after that. He remembers how sore his body was afterwards, how bruised it was the day after, and how horrifyingly nice Sebastian had been. He remembers finding a bottle of Viagra, empty a month or so later. It didn't matter though, his body was already trained to Sebastian's touch. Sebastian didn't need to drug his body, his blood sung Sebastian's praises and his body always welcomed him.<p>

"Pet?" Sebastian, drowsy and half on top of him stirs. Ciel thinks the blood from his wrists have finally stopped, he only starts to think about that night when he gets light headed.

Otherwise, he pushes it far, far, away from his mind, it hurts too much. What he said, if only he'd known then that it really didn't matter. Sebastian raises up enough to kiss Ciel on the lips, he's so complacent, practically purring. It doesn't last, his hand is coming up to the cuffs, and Ciel feels the frown before Sebastian backs away. He looks at Ciel's wrists like he doesn't understand, "Ciel," he grabs the key from the bedside table that's on his side, unlocks the cuffs and tosses them aside.

"When did this happen?" he sounds frazzled, fingers prodding at the dried up blood.

"These things aren't stretchable, Sebastian," Ciel replies, not looking at him.

He isn't even angry, he would rather the blood than Sebastian lying to him all the time, playing his body like a fine tuned guitar. "Mmm," Sebastian's black tipped fingers are still there, the fingernails scratching off some specs of dark red. Ciel feels him get off the bed, watches him walk into the bathroom. He still feels sticky elsewhere too. He really needs to shower. The faucet turns on, turns off, and Sebastian comes out, wet towel in one hand, and some sort of rolled bandages.

He sits next to Ciel and starts to work on cleaning up the blood. Ciel lets him, turns his face away, he doesn't want to know what this is doing to Sebastian. It doesn't matter if it makes him feel bad, he couldn't let Ciel go now, and Ciel doubts he is capable of feeling awful. He probably is proud of himself, or worse, getting off on this, Ciel knows all too well how much Sebastian likes to devour him when he's ailing. When the bed weight shifts again, Sebastian is climbing over him and Ciel can feel the bandages. He cringes at the weight of Sebastian, not that Sebastian is that heavy, but it reminds him too much of how helpless his situation is. How hopeless he is.

Sebastian is shifting Ciel's body, getting his legs up, and the towel is wet at his ass. Wiping off the dried up come there. "Thank you," Ciel says when Sebastian moves away, goes to his side of the bed and the towel gets dropped to the floor. Sebastian rests on his side, is staring right at Ciel with an unreadable expression. "Come here," he says, stretching to lie on his back again. Ciel shuffles over, it doesn't matter that Sebastian is being nice now. He can turn back into the Sebastian that cages him, blinds him, locks him up tight, smacks him, in an instant.

"I think," Sebastian wraps one arm around Ciel, the other picking up a book, "we'll stay here today, let you rest." Usually that means at the foot of Sebastian's bed, chained by an ankle, arm, by the collar around his neck. Sometimes though, Sebastian is in Boyfriend mode, and he likes to cuddle and read with Ciel next to him. No matter what though, it always ends with Ciel sucking Sebastian.

Sebastian is reading the scary book again. Ciel recognizes it by the cover, dark purple tinted hands. Sebastian's read aloud from it before, and the characters in that book make Sebastian look like a saint. He doesn't look at it, hopes Sebastian won't feel like reading it to him, he doesn't want to picture the things that happen in that book ever again. Instead he stares at the window, and lets his mind try to focus on something else. At least, he figures, this is better than the cage. Being locked alone in the complete darkness messes with his mind just as much as Sebastian does.

Once, he even forgot his fathers name and by the time Sebastian came to let him out he was hyperventilating and choking on the air he was breathing. He had collapsed when Sebastian had dragged him out of it. Needed Sebastian to give him some sort of comfort, clung to him, all the while Sebastian singing in his ear, whispering to him all of those awful little lies. The fingers in his hair almost makes him flinch, Sebastian does this, rubs behind his ears, like Ciel is his dog. He's even rubbed his belly, but that didn't last because really, all he was doing was sliding his come over Ciel. As if his claim on Ciel's body isn't seen everywhere.

To escape, he would need to fool Sebastian. Need Sebastian to think that he had finally broken Ciel and could trust him to be left alone, not caged, not cuffed, just as he is. He's tried it before, but Sebastian always seems to sense his unease and then he's in for punishment because lying to Sebastian is bad, and probably just because Sebastian likes to hurt Ciel. He can swear he doesn't, tell Ciel that he's safe here, but they both know that he's lying. His wrists feel sore, they've bled before but never so much, he wonders just how deep the cuffs cut into him this time.

He settles one arm over Sebastian's stomach, needing to stretch them both out, but he'll settle for one. Keeps the other clutched between Sebastian's side and his own chest. Like this, well, without the bandages and bruises, any outsider would just think they're in a relationship. Passing by the window, (unlikely due to the fact that they live in the middle of nowhere) and if they recognized Ciel, (barely recognizes himself) they may just think he ran away with a boyfriend. He does wonder what his family and friends did after his disappearance.

Sebastian doesn't let him watch any news programs, so he thinks they must have done something. Maybe even had one of those press conferences where the family pleads to the kidnappers to bring Ciel home safe. Does his dad think he's dead? Have his friends forgotten him by now? Just some memory of a boy that they never saw again? Did Sebastian watch the news coverage and laugh because in his mind, he takes care of Ciel so much better than anyone else has.

Sebastian's hand in his hair falls away, Ciel can see that he's put the book down. Sebastian shifts so he's on his side, staring at Ciel again. Or, Ciel thinks, his lips. He knows where this is going. The distance between them gets smaller, and Sebastian is smiling again by the time their mouths touch. They don't kiss much. Well, not like this. Sebastian likes to kiss Ciel's hair, or forehead. Has given him multiple hickeys all over his body, but he doesn't kiss Ciel, when he does, it's usually with a laugh, or with a dirty whisper. This isn't like that, Sebastian's sucking on his bottom lip, teeth skimming it and moaning softly. He brings a hand to cup Ciel's jaw, the other finds Ciel's and entangles their fingers together. He's pressing, letting go of the lip to slip his tongue in Ciel's mouth, a mock of what he does to his body, what he will end up doing to Ciel's body. And just like that, Ciel lets him. Gives him what he asks for, asking for nothing in return.

Sebastian is all of his firsts, will be his only, and his lasts. Ciel can't imagine being able to do something as simple as this with anyone else without thinking of Sebastian. Even if he escapes, Sebastian is the poison in his blood, the itch under his skin. He'll never be able to be touched without the memory of Sebastian's hands on him. Won't be able to be in the dark, remembering the cage, the restraints, and how much he had to look forward to Sebastian letting him out. It won't matter if Sebastian dies, or gets locked away forever, the memory of him is enough to put fear into Ciel.

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><p><strong>Very dark, like most of my work, but more fucked up. And no, this story isn't just going to be about sex, it will be so much more than that, but I want people to see how abusive their 'relationship' is. Review for more! <strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**Warnings: Sex, duhhh. And thank you for the reviews, favorites/follows! The more I get, the longer the chapters and the faster I update! c:**

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><p>Sebastian is still kissing him, lazy, and slow. Ciel can feel the tension in his body melt away, it is so easy to give in to him. Much harder to try, so much worse when he battling with his mind and body. Moments like this is when Ciel wonders if it's even worth the fight for his sanity.<p>

Ignorance is bliss so they say, and his mind already lapses into that space so easily nowadays. Is it even worth escaping if his life is one without any sort of touch? Maybe he doesn't need to act broken, he's already pretty shattered as is. Sebastian's kisses turn sweet. Chaste presses, and playful swipes of tongue, Ciel can feel his grin. Knows his own mouth mirrors it because if Sebastian is happy, it's best to play along. Even their legs are tangled together, not holding any one position but constantly sliding against the other. Ciel knows that however 'nice' this is, it's not real, but if it could be... Kisses start raining down on his jaw, light ones, quick licks of tongue down his throat. It's such a startling contrast to the usual ones that leave him with dark purple bruises. These kisses feel almost apologetic, dare he think it, worshipful, and there is just so many.

His entire collarbone area is bathed in them, and Sebastian is still moving. He presses his lips to each nipple and then is going down Ciel's stomach. One hand still clutching Ciel's, the other sliding along after his mouth, the touch is so light, so unlike anything Ciel is used to from Sebastian. When he gets to his hips, Sebastian mouths at the sharp bones. They stick out rather pointedly, just like his ribs. Sebastian lavishes attention on them. Teeth careful when they touch and always soothed with his tongue.

Ciel's head is swimming, he doesn't understand what Sebastian is doing down there, he has never been like this. That hand of his starts to sort through the pubic hair above his cock, pulling playfully on some of them and making Ciel whimper at the sensation. When Sebastian's tongue trails down that path, all the blood starts to rush downward, and at the first touch of Sebastian's lips on his cock, he begins to get hard. It's always been Sebastian's hand there, his mouth feels like a whole new experience. Even though Ciel has done this, and can do it to Sebastian like a pro, he's never imagined Sebastian doing this to him. Yet, here he is.

Sebastian's tongue slides down his length, prods at the slit on the head and even mouths at his balls. He's not saying anything, not whispering about how dirty Ciel is for enjoying this, for how thankful he should be and this feels so strange without that. His cock is fully hard by the time Sebastian takes him in his mouth, he doesn't even pause once, just keeps swallowing around Ciel's cock until his mouth is at the base and Ciel feels his mind start to melt. This feels good. So good, so wet and god, looking down at Sebastian, he looks like he's hungry for it. His eyes are open, staring at Ciel as he slowly moves back and forth over his cock. His hand in Ciel's grips a little more tightly, not enough to hurt, but enough to bring attention to it.

Ciel can't think like this, so absorbed in the pleasure from Sebastian's mouth. He can't stop staring at Sebastian's eyes, or the way his cock is in Sebastian's mouth. Almost forgot about Sebastian's other hand until he feels it, wet (and how did that happen?) and teasing over his entrance, not pushing in just pressing along the rim, his body doesn't go into panic mode, not tightening at the touch. Instead it's relenting, his hips moving back along the finger, wanting, waiting. He doesn't have to wait for long, but the press in is slow. Just the fingertip swirling along the inside.

Sebastian's mouth is starting to pull off his cock and Ciel moans when the cool air surrounds it. "It's okay, pet," Sebastian sounds hoarse, but he's whispering, "gonna make you feel so good," and his finger pulls out. "Need you to help for a bit okay?" and Ciel is nodding before he's even finished speaking. Their entangled hands detach, Sebastian grabs a pillow from above, sets it under Ciel's hips and brings his legs up so they hook behind his shoulders. It brings Sebastian's mouth very close to Ciel's ass, and Ciel can't stop the small thrill that runs up his body.

The first touch of Sebastian's tongue to his hole makes him whimper. High pitched, and if he thought that Sebastian's mouth on his cock was good, this is like heaven. It's circling around it, then up his crack and back down again. Licking quickly at it, and Ciel is pretty sure there is no better feeling. He can feel how close he is to coming, his entire body is thrumming with it.

When Sebastian's tongue dips inside though, that is even better, it's unlike the fingers, even if it can't go as far, and Ciel can feel Sebastian's hands on his ass, pulling the cheeks so he can go deeper inside him. This is better than any toy for sure, and god, he's not going to last like this. His hands are clinging to the blankets below him, wanting to touch his cock, but he doesn't have permission for that. He has a feeling it really doesn't matter anyway.

A finger slips down to join his tongue, and Ciel can feel a thumb at his rim, holding him open. If he had any shame left, he'd probably be beat red now and too embarrassed to enjoy this. As it is, he just feels weightless. Only pleasure sparking up his spine and his blood is rushing too quickly.

He's so close, letting out these high pitched moans that don't even sound like himself.

"Sebastian," he moans the name, purrs it as Sebastian starts moving his tongue in and out of his hole like he's so used to his cock doing. The finger is reaching deeper, just slightly skimming over his prostate and Ciel can't hold on anymore, coming harder than he's ever felt, all over his stomach, and feeling completely claimed. Sebastian pulls back, lets Ciel's legs down and slides up him, laps up at the come starting to dry on Ciel's stomach, cleaning him up.

He gets to Ciel's mouth and leans down. Ciel opens his mouth to Sebastian's tongue, tasting himself and moaning at that. Everything feels so good, he's sure that he's never felt so much pleasure, never come that hard. He lets Sebastian's mouth ravish his, rag-doll like beneath him. "So good, pet," Sebastian whispers, hands finding Ciel's and holding them. He feels the fingertips glide over the bandages, makes Sebastian's body shiver above him. "So good, so mine," Sebastian says, bringing a pair of their hands down between them where Sebastian's cock is slowly rolling into Ciel's hip.

"Tell me, Ciel, tell me you're mine," his voice still light, breathless even, as their hands encircle his cock and stroke, not wasting time on being slow. Sebastian is going to come probably ridiculously fast, but Ciel really can't care. His own body is moving with Sebastian's again. Legs wrapped around Sebastian's and helping him thrust harder.

"Tell me, pet," Sebastian nips at Ciel's lower lip, a reminder of what could happen if Ciel doesn't obey. Ciel is still recovering from his own intense orgasm, still trying not to think, "yours," he says, just as out of breath as Sebastian is. "All yours," the words leave a bad taste in his mouth, but he can't think on them, this is just another survival tactic. Another way to not get punished, no matter how confused he feels.

Sebastian comes between them, alerting Ciel out of his thoughts, it's much safer in the surface, best not to think of those other things now. He is surprised when Sebastian smears both of their hands on the comforter beneath, not using Ciel's tongue to clean up, and everything since his wrists has been so strange, so unorthodox, so not Sebastian. He fears that Sebastian may be up to something of his own. Sebastian may even be winning .

He finally pulls up from Ciel, their lips so swollen, and Sebastian, always disturbingly beautiful, looks even more the part as he stares down at Ciel. He lays one last kiss on Ciel's cheek before getting off the bed and putting on his pajama bottoms.

"Lets go eat," he stretches, and Ciel slowly lowers himself down to the ground. He can put pressure on his wrists without them hurting too much, and follows Sebastian into the kitchen, stomach rumbling with a renewed appetite.

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><p>Ciel is half awake, sprawled over the sofa when he hears Sebastian's voice from the study. He has an ankle chained to the coffee table, so he can't move but he knows the tone of that voice. It makes his body tighten, preparing for a war.<p>

Yet, Sebastian is still in the study, door open, watching Ciel, (always watching Ciel), and on the phone.

"Claude," he's irritated. Ciel vaguely remembers hearing that name before, a relative, one of the more persistent ones. "You can't stay here, it's too small," Ciel can see the tension in Sebastian's shoulders, the frustration in his tone makes Ciel wince. Sebastian is pacing back and forth in the small study, "I saw you a week ago... Yes, it does count-" Ciel remembers that outing. Sebastian only ever leaves for supplies and this monthly thing with Claude.

He hates the meet-ups with Claude, they always run so long, and sometimes Sebastian comes back smelling like alcohol and leaves Ciel tied up all night. He hopes that Sebastian will find a way to detain this Claude person. It probably will not end well for him if this man frustrates Sebastian even further. Claude could be like Sebastian, for all Ciel knows. He could have been the one to help Sebastian in the kidnapping, or has his own slew of slaves at home, caging them, fucking them till they fall unconscious. Ciel is sure that Sebastian would never share him with anybody, his hands still cling to him as if Ciel is a butterfly and a winds-breath from flying away.

"Fuck!" the phone being slammed to the computer desk gets Ciel's attention. He tries to get to his knees, but Sebastian is already in front of him, eyes burning with fury. "I'm sorry, Sebastian, please-" he gets cut off by Sebastian's mouth.

The kiss is aggressive, Sebastian climbing over Ciel's body to cover it with his own. Hands grip his hipbones, pressing into the bruises and it hurts so much, his whine gets a mumbled thanks to Sebastian's lips and tongue. He presses back, his own hands trying to pry Sebastian's off his body and entangling them instead.

His mouth is gentle against Sebastian's, he needs to get him calm. This is not Ciel's fault he's in an awful mood, so he thinks that it may work. Sebastian eases up a little, slows his kisses and holds onto Ciel's with a softer grip. When he pulls back, the anger is still set in his shoulders but his eyes look a little relieved. "Thank you, pet," he kisses Ciel again, just a peck on the lips, "We have a problem." Ciel is pretty sure he knows what it is, but he waits until Sebastian continues.

"Claude's coming to stay the night this weekend, wouldn't let me talk him out of it, so we're going to be playing with some very different rules." Ciel had figured out as much, nodding to get Sebastian to continue. "He doesn't know about you, obviously. I'd like to keep it that way," and _oh no, this sounds bad_. His heart starts to pick up, hands go slack in Sebastian's grip.

"It's just for two days, one night. I just need you to be very quiet, pet."

"Can't I meet him?" he doesn't want to be locked up, gagged in some room.

"I'd like to," he adds, hopefully sounding sincere. Sebastian's hands clench hard against Ciel's, "and what would you tell him? Lie and beg him to call the police? Ciel, I'm not having anyone take you away from me. No, you will stay in my room. It'll be what I need after a night out with him," he leans down, and Ciel feels so shaken that he can't even process what he's saying, "But, I promise, if you are a good boy while he's here, I'll reward you." He seals it with a kiss that Ciel barely notices. Their fingers unlatch and Sebastian's getting off of him. "I've got a few more calls to make so be good," and Ciel stares at him walk back into the study, door still open, and always watching.

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><p><strong>Ohh what will Claude be like? Looks like you will have to review to find out...<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**Warnings: language, manipulation, sort of consensual sex. In this chapter you will get to see a little more emotion from Sebastian, rather than just his cruel, normal self. Enjoy!**

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><p><em>The first time Sebastian tells Ciel to drop to his knees and crawl on the floor, he laughs, thinking that Sebastian can't be serious about this. Sebastian does not laugh with him, instead he walks over to Ciel and stands behind him. "I'd rather not force you," he tells Ciel. <em>

"_I walk fine," he's already lost his clothes to this man, his body, nearly his mind, and Sebastian just keeps taking things. Never satisfied, never happy with Ciel. Why does he need everything from Ciel? _

"_Yes, you know, you're right," and even though the tone is light, Ciel can feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, he doesn't believe Sebastian for a second. The swift and painful kick to the backs of his knees should surprise him, but he's collapsing to the floor before he can even register the pain. He used to be so much stronger, but Sebastian puts drugs in his food, the limited that he gets, and he's been pretty much cuffed to a bed for a month. _

_Sebastian doesn't even trust him alone in the bathroom with the door unlocked. It's a never ending cycle of take-take-take and Ciel wonders what will happen when he has nothing left. _

_Sebastian kneels down to his level, pats his hair like a dog and grins. "Good boy," he stands up, getting a good grip on Ciel's hair, "now follow," and Ciel is not given a choice, desperately crawling as Sebastian leads him by the hair._

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><p>The sun is not something that ever wakes Ciel up. Sebastian does, and today, the first day of Claude's visit, is the same way. He is still tied up from last night, Sebastian's been using rope, it's softer against his skin, and doesn't irritate the bandages that still cover Ciel's wrists.<p>

"Do you need to use the bathroom?" is the first thing Sebastian asks. Ciel shakes his head, having been earlier in the middle of the night after Sebastian had fucked him. He takes a small sip from the water bottle Sebastian holds for him and then waits. The water settles in his mouth, it tastes different, but Ciel can't figure out if it's the lingering taste of Sebastian's cock that's making it like that, or if Sebastian laced it.

Sebastian is meticulous with the rope, checking the knots on Ciel's wrists before moving down and starting to wrap a different set of ropes to his ankles. His body doesn't fight, doesn't do that anymore, it's so much easier to just let these things happen. At least, he thinks, it's not the cage, being cramped in there is a lot worse than being spread out on the bed.

He is being stared at, Sebastian looking at him like he's a four course meal. His hand moves up to Ciel's face, slides his finger into his mouth. "So pretty, pet," Sebastian whispers, "I wish we had time for more play," he pulls the finger out and reaches for something on the side of the bed. It's a small piece of leather, small buckles attached, and Ciel realizes that Sebastian doesn't trust him at all to keep quiet, he's pretty sure that's a muzzle.

"Would you like some more water before I put this on?" Ciel is nodding before Sebastian is even finished asking, taking a few more sips, not wanting to take too much water.

He does not want to hold his bladder while being stuck here. Sebastian straps the muzzle in place, checking to make sure Ciel's nose isn't covered, and then he pulls out the blindfold and headphones. "I know you don't like these, pet." Sebastian kisses him over the muzzle, slips the headphones on first and Ciel is once again in silence. He can hear the rush of blood thumping through his body, looks at Sebastian, pleading with him with his eyes, he can already feel the tears starting to slip down his face.

The tears get the blindfold wet as it gets put over his eyes and tied to the side of his head. He can still feel Sebastian's hands on his face, petting down his neck, trying to calm Ciel, but Ciel hates this. Sebastian knows this, knows that this is the worst thing for him. His mind is starting to feel cloudy again, trying desperately to focus on anything but it's hard once Sebastian's hands are off of him and it's just him now. Alone, so fucking alone, and he can't stop his body from quivering, not even cold, but the terror that this is for him.

There is a pool of tears collecting behind his head and onto the pillow, soaking that part of his hair and it's only just begun. He tries to steady his breath, counting in his head but he can't get past 10 without wanting to go into a panic attack. His stomach is starting to feel nauseous, and he welcomes the vertigo that begins to swirl in his mind. At least if he passes out, he won't have to be here in this decaying mind, in this broken body.

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><p><em>His hips roll down onto Sebastian's. Hands holding onto Sebastian's shoulders and using them to quicken the way his body lifts and sinks itself on Sebastian's cock. Works his hips harder, leaning forward so Sebastian's dick can hit his prostate and it feels so good. He grins at Sebastian, spread out beneath him, finally his wrists chained up to the bed, and looking so powerless. His fingers come over Sebastian's chest and twist his nipples making Sebastian jerk up underneath him. "Ciel," he's so breathless, so close to coming, but Ciel reaches down and squeezes Sebastian's cock at the base. "Me first," he tells him, wanting to come with Sebastian still hard in him.<em>

_He starts stroking his own dick, quick and not nearly wet enough, but it's okay. Mostly he's getting off on staring at Sebastian, taking in every inch of his helpless body, the way his wrists struggle in their bindings. The flash of skin scratching and ripping open, a small amount of blood staining the cuffs. He kisses Sebastian as he comes, thrusting his tongue into his mouth and jolting from the aftershocks. It's not enough, his body is still waiting, needing more._

_"Sebastian," he reaches up and unlocks the cuffs. "Need you, fuck me. Please baby," he lets Sebastian push him down, reversing their positions but never separating. "Don't worry, pet. I've got you." Sebastian thrusts down, hands grabbing at Ciel's bruised wrists. The pain just sends his body pleasure, sparks of it going straight to his cock that's half hard again already._

_"Sebastian, please," he cries, mind lost in this bubble of pain and pleasure, "need more, need you. Want you to fuck me harder, please." Ciel nearly screams when Sebastian pulls out of him, but his hands are on Ciel. "Hands and knees, pet," he commands. He doesn't thrust into Ciel right away though, gripping for something around the blankets. _

_"Gonna love this," he tells him, kissing at Ciel's lower back. No sooner does Ciel hear a swish sound and then the crack of leather against his ass. It should make him limp, should make him scream out no, but it doesn't. He feels like his brain's got rewired and it feels perfect. Better when Sebastian's cock is inside him once more and the hits just start to rain down on him. All different speeds, varying places, and it's enough to get his cock fully hard again. He doesn't question it, just lets himself bask in the pleasure, forcing himself back against Sebastian and balancing on one arm to get to his aching cock._

_"So good, pet," Sebastian whispers, barely heard over the way their bodies are slapping together and the sound of the paddle against Ciel's ass. Sebastian's hand slaps Ciel's away from his cock, he drops the paddle too, "Want you to come just from me now," he bites into the skin at the middle of Ciel's back. Licks at the sweat that's starting to collect there. His hand moves to Ciel's rim where his cock is still thrusting, rubs at the skin with his fingers, "come pet," he orders and Ciel lets out a scream as he lets go. Coming onto the sheets below him and onto his stomach, feeling like it's never ending when Sebastian follows him. Barely pulls out before they both fall down to the bed, completely exhausted._

_Sebastian rolls to his side, and Ciel clings onto him. Finding Sebastian's mouth and kissing him, "yours," he promises._

_Smiles into Sebastian's skin when the echo of "mine," finds it's way to his ears._

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><p>Ciel wakes up with a start. Still blind, still deaf, still dark. His mind skimming through the dream because that has never happened. Even in his blank states he would have remembered something like that. It didn't feel familiar, at least, not the wanting, the touches are always there, but not the intimacy. Not the feeling of consent that practically drummed through the dream.<p>

What is going on with his mind? Has he completely lost it to Sebastian? He had called Sebastian, 'baby,' got off on being spanked, being used like a sex slave, pushed to his limits, and oh god, the ending, kissing Sebastian with affection, promising Sebastian himself and hearing Sebastian's always reply of 'mine.' He must be going crazy, going to end up more fucked up than Sebastian at this rate. Never fit for society after this. What if Sebastian could tell? Maybe he recognized something inside of Ciel, and so now he's done society a favor by taking Ciel away. There had to be a reason it was always Ciel, Sebastian has been very adamant that he's never had anyone else. Just Ciel, he told him once that he'd been looking forever for him.

His train of thought gets knocked sideways when he suddenly smells alcohol. Can feel breath on his face, and the headphones are taken off his ears. The muzzle gets unbuckled and forgotten. "Ciel, Ciel, Ciel," Sebastian whispers, repeating his name like a mantra as he removes the blindfold. It's still dark in the room, no lights but the moon flicking in between the shades, Sebastian's clothes are half hazardously being pulled off, "want you so bad," he starts kissing at Ciel's neck, messy open mouthed kisses that leave him feeling wet and slobbery. His hips are grinding into Ciel's, jeans still on, but not seeming to care.

"Need to be quiet, Claude's passed out on the couch," and Sebastian giggles. Moving up and gently nibbling at Ciel's jaw, sliding up to his lips. His hands find Ciel's, undeterred by the rope and tangling them together anyway. "Sebastian," Ciel needs to be freed, he doesn't want to lay like this all night, "can't you undo the ropes? Please. I've been so good," and he has, didn't make a peep all day. Not like he could tell if he did, but since Sebastian didn't storm in the room, he's guessing that he's done a good job at keeping quiet. Sebastian sits up, eyes the knots on Ciel's skin, "I don't," he pauses, looking upset, "I don't think I can untie you drunk. Knots are complicated."

"Scissors!" Ciel pleads, voice a little bit louder and earning a hand over his mouth from Sebastian. "Please, if you love me-"

"You know I do," Sebastian swears, interrupting.

"Then please cut these off," Ciel is desperate now, can feel the toll his body has taken on from the day now that he is aware again. His shoulders ache, and that left one more sore than ever. His legs are strained, and he really could use the bathroom now.

"Okay," Sebastian gets up, a little shaky, but at least he doesn't fall. "I'll go get the kitchen shears," he says and disappears out the door frame. Ciel listens for any sound that might wake up Claude but Sebastian is quiet, he can see the kitchen light turn on, then off, and hear Sebastian trudge back through the living room. He closes the door to his bedroom behind him and sits next to Ciel, scissors in his hands.

"Sebastian?" Ciel thought he was all for the plan, but now he looks sad, contemplative.

"I'm pretty drunk," he tells Ciel, still in a whisper, "and you could kill me with these if I set you free like this." He sounds absolutely heartbroken, "because," he works out, "you, you don't understand Ciel," the scissors get put on the bedside table, and Ciel doesn't know what to do.

Sebastian looks like he's about to cry, "I saved you. I used to watch you, you know? A whole year of awful things that happened to you. I kept waiting for your so called friends to help but they didn't even care. You cared about them. I care about you. I love you. I've been in love with you for so long and you, you just don't get it." Ciel eyes the scissors briefly, it honestly didn't even enter his mind to kill Sebastian with them. He doesn't think, even after all that Sebastian has done to him, that he could do it. Actually kill him, he thinks his memories are bad now, but a lifeless face staring at him would make the rest seem like rainbows. He wonders if he could just say it, lie to Sebastian and tell him that he's wrong, that he loves Sebastian and wants to be with him. That dream brought up some emotions that he could just pretend in, for a night, be with Sebastian the way that Sebastian wants him. Yet, he doesn't think, even at his best, even if it were true, that Sebastian could believe him now.

Sebastian isn't even there anymore, he's moved off the side of the bed to where he usually sleeps, turned away from Ciel and it's the first time he's ever done that. Even times before when he's been drunk, (maybe only tipsy) he's always found some way to mold their bodies together.

Sebastian is right about some things, Ciel doesn't understand this. Ciel simply cannot sleep anymore. His stomach aches for food, his throat is dry and scratchy from thirst, and the need to use the toilet is starting to creep on him. That's not even mentioning how much he can't stop thinking about Sebastian's outburst. He had been watching Ciel for a whole year, stalked him day to day, did he keep a journal? Have a shrine somewhere? He didn't understand. Why couldn't Sebastian have just introduced himself like a sane person? They could have been friends, he can't seem to focus on that year, it had been bad... yet, it slips from him.

Almost feels like a dream and the harder he tries to remember the more he forgets. He believes Sebastian now, at least, he believes that Sebastian thinks he's in love with Ciel. In his own perverse way he knows that Sebastian thinks they're in the perfect solution, thinks that this is what is best for Ciel so he doesn't get hurt. Sebastian's wrong though, he's simply traded perpetrators, his own mind feels like it's working against him most days, rearranging itself to mold it into what Sebastian wants.

His body is weak and bruised, muscles are getting stronger in all the wrong places, and the wear on his knees gets rougher each day. There is no logical way to explain this to Sebastian.

He's sure that only years of intense therapy could make Sebastian see the truth of what he's doing.

Claude... He doesn't know him from anyone else, he could be just as bad as Sebastian. There is no way to get help from him, the second Ciel got too loud Sebastian would hear him, and it's just not worth the risk. Sebastian's brain seems precariously balanced tonight and he doesn't want to think of what worse things Sebastian could do to him in this altered state. So, what else is there to do? Is there anything he can do? Is he destined to live out the rest of his life like this until Sebastian goes over the edge and kills them both? He hates that a small part of his mind is slowly coming to terms with just that. Doesn't think that Sebastian would actually kill him, but if Ciel was good...

A hand, Sebastian's hand, breaks his thoughts by brushing up against his stomach. Palm down, fingers spread, like he has to touch all at once. It hasn't occurred to Ciel that Sebastian could still be awake, he can only see his stomach and legs since his outstretched arm hides the rest of his view.

"Sebastian?" he whispers into the dark. It could be that Sebastian is just dreaming, unused to not having Ciel nearby. "I-" he is pretty sure Sebastian's asleep, and the need to speak aloud and not in his mind is strong. "I didn't think about killing you. Not with the shears, not with anything. I couldn't do that to you." He's not entirely sure why he feels the need to confess, but the words trip out of his mouth so quickly, "I'm sorry I've disappointed you, but I've only ever tried to be myself."

Ciel isn't even sure who he is nowadays. He doesn't feel like much of anything. The hand hasn't moved, Sebastian must be asleep. Ciel isn't sure if he's relieved or not, surely it's better that Sebastian didn't hear him. He shouldn't know how much power he has over Ciel. Over Ciel's rapidly detaching mind. If he had been awake, he would have said something, and Ciel looks over at his legs, still turned away from him. So his hand must have just reached out and nothing more.

Time doesn't drag on when you have nothing to measure it by. It simply ceases to exist. He could count himself mad by counting out the seconds but he'd rather not think at all. Clear his mind from all of this, there is no thoughts, no bed, no pain, no body here. No Ciel. He just focuses on the hand, the warmth, and nothing else.

He drifts, never falling asleep, never fully aware of his own self. It was weird the first time he had done this, had never truly believed in the whole 'outer body experience' but this is. There is no touch outside of Sebastian's hand, no thought, only sight, and the two of them look so lonely on the bed. It looks wrong, like pulled apart puzzle pieces, just keep waiting to reconnect. Only when the hand moves does he pull himself back in. Wincing at the fresh pain, noticing that there is still no sun, just moonlight shining through the blinds.

The fingers slide over his skin, and he can hear Sebastian shuffle, he's awake. Sebastian comes into view, his hair is a mess, probably from running his hands through it while he was asleep. He has dark circles around his eyes, as if he didn't sleep at all. A firm frown on his lips as he stares at Ciel. He still smells like a bar, but now it's mixed with the Sebastian scent that Ciel has come to know so well. So much easier to take in this way.

"If I was a slightly better person," he startles Ciel with the soft sound of his voice, "I would tell Claude all about you, and have him take you far away from me," he sounds pained. "But I'm not, Ciel. I'm completely selfish, and if you left there is nothing I wouldn't do to bring us back together, one way or another."

It's a vow, Ciel swallows down the lump in his throat, uneasy with how morbidly romantic that sounded.

"We are more alike than you think Ciel," he starts, "only, I didn't have anyone when I got tortured. My parents didn't even care that I ended up in a hospital. They didn't even visit. Probably wished the bullies had killed me."

He's stroking Ciel's stomach, like he's trying to calm himself, "no one's ever needed me," and Ciel can feel tears in his eyelashes, dripping around his face. "You need me though, don't you?"

Ciel's nodding, "of course Sebastian," he answers. It's not a lie, even if Sebastian himself was the one to deny him things, it doesn't really feel like that anymore. He can't even think outside of this moment, feels ashamed at himself for thinking of Sebastian like a monster. The boy is just lonely, and wasn't Ciel before? Why has he fought this so much? Isn't it exactly what he wanted? he's always been so alone... It was true what Sebastian said about his friends, when it came down to it, they really hadn't cared.

"Sebastian?" his voice cracks, so dry, and it doesn't help that he hasn't stopped crying, he can't tell if it's for Sebastian, himself, or both of them. He's so tired of trying to figure it out, "Untie me, please. I just want to hug you." He'll take this moment of quiet and stillness. A part of him knowing that it's not going to last. It can't. This is not a part of the roles that they've been playing. The characters can't change now so completely. Sebastian will forever be the man who raped him, body and soul. Ciel will always be seen by Sebastian as his distressed boy, one that he saved from the horrors of the world. One that owes him with everything he has.

Sebastian moves down to the ropes at his feet. Must be clearer headed since he has no issues with the knots now. The ones wrapped around Ciel's wrist come free near seconds later. Ciel pulls him down immediately, wrapping his arms around Sebastian and holding him close. It's so bizarre to lay like this, Ciel is not used to having to give Sebastian affection, not outside of sex. It's always been Sebastian caring for Ciel and he's just not sure what to do. He's wide awake, knows that Sebastian is not going to be asleep and Sebastian's brother is just outside the door.

If this had happened a year ago, he knows that he would have taken those shears and tried to make a run for it. Even a month ago, a week, a few days. Yet, he can't make a grab for them, trying to tell himself that it is worthless to try. Sebastian has always had a plan, there is no escape from this. A part of him, the part that preens every time Sebastian calls him, 'good boy,' knows that he deserves this, the good, and the very bad.

"You're thinking too loud," Sebastian says above him, looking at Ciel with a smile. "That's my job, pet," he leans down, bringing their faces close to touch, "shall I distract you?" Ciel's stomach rumbles beneath, breaking the slight tension.

"How about we shower? Then breakfast?"

"What about Claude?" Ciel can't imagine meeting Sebastian's brother only wearing a dog collar.

"We'll just have to dress you up all pretty, pet. It'll be like unwrapping a present later," Sebastian replies, smiling and finally kissing Ciel with small pecks. They untangle from each other, Sebastian leads Ciel to the bathroom with hands on his hips and it's so domestic that it actually makes Ciel's heart ache. He had always wanted a boyfriend, someone special to make him feel loved, a master is going to have to do, there is no one else for him now.

Ciel quickly uses the toilet once Sebastian jumps in the shower and then follows him in. Shuts the glass door behind him and starts to get to his knees. "Not today, Ciel," Sebastian pulls them both under the hot water, hands in Ciel's hair to duck him down in another kiss. Ciel brings his hands to Sebastian's hips, responding to the kiss with just as much force as Sebastian. Every little moment is teetering, one stray thought, one wrong breath and it could cause all the bricks to tumble down. He doesn't want to lose this so quickly, he deserves one day with his boyfriend.

Ciel is careful when they step back, Sebastian grabs the shampoo and squeezes a dollop into each of their hands. His go to Sebastian's hair, Sebastian's goes to his. They've never done this, Sebastian always washes himself, then, when the water isn't half as warm, will half heartedly wash down Ciel while his knees ache and his throat is still struggling to swallow the last bits of come in his mouth.

They rinse away the shampoo, repeating the same process with conditioner and hands leading soap around each other's bodies. When they're clean Sebastian pushes Ciel to the tiles and kneels before him. He's already half hard, so receptive to Sebastian, always has been, and with all the rubbing, it'd be impossible not to. Sebastian has a bottle of lube with him, (Ciel is pretty sure he stashes them everywhere in the apartment) and at the first touch of his mouth on Ciel's cock, two fingers circle his rim. Ciel can feel how shaky his legs get. Weak already from their rare usage and now this.

Sebastian has him fully hard, bobbing his head so Ciel's dick hits the back of his throat. The fingers circle once more before pushing in. The touch makes Ciel scream, back of his head hitting the tiles because it feels so good. These fingers aren't rough and thrusting, they're slow, so fucking slow and curling up to tease his prostate. Sebastian's head moves off of him, "turn over," he tells Ciel. Helps him, easing the fingers out and letting Ciel turn freely.

The moment Ciel's chest touches the tiles he presses the fingers back in, this time joined with his tongue. Ciel can't stop the sounds coming from his mouth, so loud, so high, he can't even tell what he's saying. This undoes him, rips him apart and bares his soul. Can only whimper when another finger gets added, tries to hold himself up and steady. He feels like he's slipped into a dream, head foggy and limbs weak.

Pushing back into the way Sebastian is finger and tongue fucking him. His body doesn't even feel like his own, his words don't sound like himself the odd time he can actually hear them, "please," he's begging, "please Sebastian, fuck me. Need your cock. Need you, please."

Sebastian slides his fingers out, starts kissing up to his lower back and then up Ciel's spine until he's covering him. His tongue slips under the leather of the collar, lapping at the skin there. Ciel turns his head to the side, "Sebastian," he whines, hips impatiently rocking backward.

"I've got you," Sebastian whispers low in his ear. A hand guides his cock into Ciel as slow as the fingers had been. It feels impossibly fuller this way, not one fast thrust but a build up of movement. Ciel scrambles to find anything to hold on to, reaches back to grab at Sebastian's shoulder. Both of Sebastian's hands wrap around Ciel's waist, using everything to hold Ciel up, and they kiss as soon as Sebastian starts to thrust into Ciel.

It's so much unlike the dream, there is a progression here, affection, and so intimate. The kiss they share, Ciel can taste tears mixing in with the steam of the shower, sucking it from each others lips. He can't focus his thoughts, just existing with Sebastian. Sebastian's hips rocking against his, cock just barely hitting his prostate and hands holding onto Ciel for dear life. It's all Ciel can feel, every other part on his body is not as important, just for decoration, the black and white photographs compared to the technicolor tv program when Sebastian touches him. Their hips start rolling just a bit faster, picking up speed as their moans get louder and their lips detach. Now just barely grazing, breathing into each others mouths as they try to catch their breath.

Ciel's own orgasm catches him off guard, untouched, but spilling over the tile, tightens his whole body, especially where Sebastian is still thrusting inside of him. He definitely feels Sebastian come, the way he nips at Ciel's bottom lip as he thrusts though it. How his semen leaks out of Ciel's hole when he pulls out to flip Ciel around once more.

There isn't any words, just tongues touching again and hands clenching over skin. Sebastian's back at his sensitive hole, finger thrusting into him and making Ciel groan into the kiss. He almost wonders if Sebastian is just going to fuck him again until he finally pulls the hand free again, uses it to direct the water over them and rinsing away the proof of their activity.

Sebastian brings Ciel out of the shower, dries him off with a fluffy towel with lingering touches to his ass and kisses to his neck. Ciel watches him do the same for himself, dropping the towels to the floor a moment later. He grabs onto Ciel's hand and leads them back into the bedroom.

Ciel sits on the bed, Sebastian stands between his legs, his hand is on the collar. Finger slipping around it, "I don't want to take this off you," he tells Ciel. "Like that it's there, a reminder that you're mine," he is fumbling with the buckle.

"I can't meet your brother like this," reminds Ciel. He can't go through that humiliation, already wondering how he's supposed to act in front of someone who isn't Sebastian. He hasn't had to in so long, he feels out of practice. The collar unbuckles, Ciel letting out a long breath because it feels like new, fresher, oxygen coming into his lungs. Sebastian's hands trace around where the collar stood, eyes locked on that area too.

"Tell me you're mine," he whispers, dragging his gaze away from Ciel's neck to his eyes.

"Yours, forever yours," Ciel states, eyes never leaving Sebastian's. "You're it for me. The only one." He falls over at the crash of Sebastian on him. Kissing him like he's about to die and holding onto Ciel's hands, bringing them to the side.

"Say it again," Sebastian licks down his throat, sucks a bruise where the collar had hidden before.

"You're in my blood, my body, my mind, Sebastian. How could anyone else take your place? Yours," he keeps repeating the word, moaning it when Sebastian bites down at a particular spot that he's sure is already purple and blue.

"So perfect, so mine," Sebastian nips at the skin, marking it further. "Going to devour you when Claude leaves. Spread you out and gorge myself on you," he bites up Ciel's neck to his mouth again. Kissing with their swollen lips so aggressively that Ciel can feel his body tighten up at the little sparks of pain. It doesn't last long, Sebastian pulls away with a sigh, "but until then."

"Until then," Ciel echos, pulling himself back into a seated position while Sebastian scurries off his lap and starts to look through his closet. Until then, he thinks, Sebastian will act like a boyfriend _until then_. Until Claude leaves, and then it will be back to the Sebastian that makes him crawl on the floor, and fucks him hard, makes him do things, and punishes him for acting human.

Unless... Sebastian's pretty much confirmed that Claude isn't like him at all. If he could get to talking to Claude alone, he may be free of this. He'll never have to eat out of a dog bowl, or be forced into a cramped cage, he'll never see Sebastian again. Sebastian will never let that happen though. He's too smart, knows how Ciel thinks and it could all be a trap. Maybe he lied about Claude, wanting Ciel to crack and then when he does... oh god, he doesn't know what could be worse than what Sebastian's already done, but he doesn't want to find out either.

A pile of clothes get thrown into his lap. They look familiar, he didn't think Sebastian had kept what he had abducted him in. Black skinny jeans, those are his, the dark grey vneck isn't, but the pinstriped, black vest definitely is. No boxers and he's too afraid to ask for any, he tugs on the clothes while sitting, only getting up to move them past his hips. The jeans aren't as tight as they used to be, nor is the vest, but the vneck looks okay, it would never fit Sebastian though so he has to wonder where Sebastian got this from. The clothes itch too, and where they don't itch, they rub against bruises and bring on reminders of all the places that Sebastian has marked his body.

Sebastian walks over to him, already dressed in a button up and jeans, his hands smooth down Ciel's arms, a little more forceful than necessary on his left which brings back that old pain that never seems to go away.

"You're going to be good, yes?" it's not really a question.

"Of course," he replies back with anyway, making sure to keep eye contact with him. Sebastian still looks uneasy, his eyes glancing back toward the bed and the ropes.

"I'm starving, can we please go eat?" Ciel prompts. He needs to get food at the very least, can feel the hunger headache he sometimes gets starting, breakfast is a necessity at this point.

"Yes," Sebastian takes his hand, finally, and together they walk out of the room. The living room almost looks brand new this way. Ciel has never walked anywhere outside of the bedroom and bathroom. His knees still are shaken, calves aching with the extended use, and he can feel it when they give out. Sebastian grabs him around the middle, before Ciel can crumble to the ground, and holds him against his chest.

"It's okay, just gotta get to the kitchen," he keeps one arm around Ciel's waist the entire trip there. Ciel can feel himself flush, ducking his head out of shame, he can't even get to kitchen, he's so pathetic now.

The dining table comes into view quickly, Sebastian lets him drop into a chair and then starts on whatever he's going to make for breakfast. Ciel looks back out into the living room, there isn't anybody there.

"I thought you said Claude fell asleep on the couch," he can't see anyone there now, they'd have to stretch themselves over it, the thing is way too small for anyone over twelve.

"He probably stumbled into the makeshift guest room when we woke him up from our shower. There is no way he missed your screams," another flush, and Ciel can't believe how little it's taking Sebastian to make him go so red. Ciel just stares down at the table, maybe he'll just be quiet until Sebastian wants something.

The sound of a door opening makes him change his mind. He looks up and there, so clear as day, must be Claude, Sebastian's brother. He actually looks a lot like Sebastian, maybe a little older, slightly taller, with golden eyes framed in black glasses and his hair seems a little more untamed than Sebastian's, but the way he walks, the command of attention he attracts, that's all Sebastian. Claude is smiling too, an eerie similar smile that Sebastian always makes when he's fucking Ciel past the point of Ciel's pleasure.

"I thought you said there wasn't anyone in your life, Sebastian. Unless this is some random one night stand?" He sounds genuinely nice, sitting across from Ciel and his demeanor is completely relaxed.

"I'm Claude," he reaches a hand out and Ciel for half a second wonders what he wants. He slowly shakes Claude's hand, but before he can say anything Sebastian runs over to the pair,

"Claude, this is Robin. I didn't know if he was going to be able to make it in time before you left so I didn't want to mention him without a meeting. We live together." It doesn't even sound like a lie, Ciel would have believed him, and it looks like Claude does.

"I'm guessing you haven't told the parents yet?" Claude asks, his eyes not leaving Ciel's and Ciel hates the attention. He pulls his hand back and watches Sebastian instead.

"Of course not, you're the only one who knows, and you can't say anything, not to anyone. Robin's family is looking for him and they can't find him." Well, that is partially true. Ciel has to hand it to Sebastian, the boy can spill out these little stories without a hint of lie detection.

"Why not?" Claude is asking Ciel. "What happened?" Sebastian is looking at Ciel too, he knows he has to answer this time, and answer correctly.

"They, they used to push me around," he crosses his arms together, stares at the table, "hit me, they hated me. After Sebastian found out he pretty much kidnapped me." He knows it's not true, it sounds good though, his shaky voice is believable, who wouldn't be upset talking about their awful family?

He flinches badly when Claude puts a hand on his shoulder, "sorry," the hand leaves, "that's just really terrible." He calms slightly when Sebastian's fingers stroke over the back of his neck through the clothing.

"Lucky Sebastian found you though, right?" Ciel looks up, watches Sebastian go over to the stove and pile the food on three plates.

"Yes," he says, Sebastian coming back, placing the dishes down, "very lucky." He had thought, maybe, that Claude might recognize him. Knows that's why Sebastian is calling him 'Robin,' but he doesn't see why.

After that short discussion Claude goes onto a twenty minute monologue all about himself. It's very clear that he doesn't watch the news, or even cares about people outside of the way they interact with him. Even his and Sebastian's relationship looks artificial, he hates that it makes him feel bad for Sebastian, it's very clear that no one in his household actually took time out to get to know him, or even bother with him at all. Absentee parents, absentee older brother, it makes for a very unhappy child.

Sebastian's hand finds itself under the table on Ciel's knee halfway though Claude's speech, it doesn't move the entire time, just simply is there. To reassure Ciel, or to reassure himself, that is unclear. He's so completely out of tune with the conversation that he barely hears the question directed to him, "So will you be coming with us to drop me off at the airport?"

"No, Claude, he hasn't slept much-" Sebastian begins, getting interrupted by a wink from Claude.

"Well you could have let him sleep in past five in the morning. Sure your dick could have held on another hour," it's said completely in jest but Ciel still hates it, tugs his left shoulder a bit so he can focus on the pain of that instead of this conversation.

"Shut up," Sebastian smirks back to his brother. "Besides, only I can stand your company in a car that long. I'm not having you drive my boyfriend away from me," he pushes his chair back, hand gone from Ciel's knee. "As it is, we probably should be going soon," he pulls Ciel's chair out. A steady hand back around his waist when Ciel stand up again.

"You guys are disgustingly cute, no, I don't think we should be in a car altogether," Claude smiles, he holds his hand back out to Ciel, "I hope this means we will see each other again? You won't go breaking my brothers heart, will you?" Ciel holds back a laugh at that, as if he could.

"No. Sebastian is everything to me," he glances briefly to Claude but goes quickly over to Sebastian. He looks very pleased, only a little wary but it disappears when Claude gazes at him as well.

"Let's get you to bed, sweetheart," Sebastian forces Ciel further away from Claude, "you can nap while I'm gone." Lower, out of earshot for Sebastian he adds, "you'll definitely need it, pet."

He hears Claude wolf whistle behind them once the door closes to Sebastian's bedroom. "Get on the bed, stomach down," commands Sebastian. Ciel hears the change in tone, it's his punishment voice. He doesn't hesitate to obey, stretching his arms out once he settles into position. He wants to apologize but he doesn't know what happened. He thought he had done well. Sebastian cuffs him with the metal restraints, over the bandages that still wrap around his wrists.

"No talking, I'm not going to gag you but if I hear a sound from this room you'll regret it," and that's it. He doesn't slam the door behind him, gently pulls it closed and tells Claude about how tired 'Robin' is. How, 'Robin' isn't usually up for company thanks to his past, and how long it took 'Robin' to even let Sebastian touch his hand. Ciel can't listen to it anymore, he feels like a failure.

It was clear that Claude was a nice guy, a little self absorbed but he would have helped Ciel, helped Sebastian if he had just said something. He's so stupid, no wonder Sebastian picked him, could sense just how much he wanted to roll over for him. Knew that Ciel would never try to leave because he's just not that bright or clever. He deserves whatever punishment Sebastian gives him because he continually falls for Sebastian and his lies. Early this morning Sebastian just wanted to prove to himself that he could act nice, or maybe it was to show Ciel how he'll never have that. The domesticity was a lie, and now, or at least, once Sebastian gets back, that will be the real life they share. He'll call Ciel a whore for begging for it earlier. It's so glaringly obvious that Sebastian can weave lies that sound like the truth. It doesn't matter what Ciel feels, or how he felt. It was never about Sebastian being lonely, it was about him wanting power over someone since he can't get that in his own life. Ciel was easy to him, a somewhat shared past, alone in a new city, Ciel was like a red light to him.

He hears the front door open and shut and then starts to pull on the cuffs. He bites down into the pillow, there is no way he can continue on this way. The constant battle of his mind, he's so broken, rather be dead then to continue living in this misery. He pulls himself up, Sebastian hadn't tied his ankles and tries to tug the handcuffs up along the headboard, at least sitting up he's not completely submissive but his body slips on the sheets, his left arm jolts, the front of it moving upward while he almost crashes down and he can almost hear the ligament tearing.

He screams at the pain, this is worse than anything else he's ever felt. Like a thousand knives slicing into his shoulder blade, right where the the joint is. It feels like there's a bump, noticeable and he can't think of anything now. His whole body is focused just on the pain. He can't even move his arm, scared he'll do something worse and Sebastian just left. He's going to be gone for hours and there is nothing Ciel can do but wait. It's complete agony.

Every second, every moment. Ciel has never felt such lasting pain. It circles, blasting through his body like liquid fire over and over again. How has he not passed out from this? He can't control the rapidness of his breathing, can't think about anything else. He can't stop screaming, his throat feels like it's bleeding from the abuse, and it never ends. Sebastian is going to be furious, he'd left in an odd mood and when he comes back to see Ciel like this? It's going to be bad. What if he doesn't help? Will he just watch Ciel's body try to repair itself and not care so long as he gets to fuck him regularly? Ciel's body shudders at the scenarios, they keep building in his head and getting worse with each new one.

The front door slams, the sound of it cutting off Ciel's screams, too easy to remember that little threat Sebastian had left him before he dropped off Claude. His body always obeys Sebastian, it rarely works out in his favor. Still, he can't stop shaking, the closer Sebastian gets the worse it quivers. He's still stomach down on the bed, can't look at Sebastian, head pressed against the pillow, eyes shut tight. Another door, the bedroom door and Sebastian is walking in. There isn't any sound from him, Ciel is biting into the pillow to stop the whimpers trying to escape his throat and he knows as soon as Sebastian sees what he's done there is going to be so much anger.

He's trembling, head to foot and that makes the shoulder joint hurt even more. How can he stomach all this pain? Where is the blissful darkness? Sebastian is close now, seeming to stay silent along with Ciel. His hand slides down Ciel's hair to the back of his neck, moves to the left and Ciel howls into the pillow case. Fingers probe at the junction where his shoulder should be.

"What the fuck did you do?" It's a voice he's never heard before, it's passed mad, beyond angry, he's infuriated. The more his hand touches, the more intense the ache gets, "you stupid little slut. Is this how you planned to get away? Think you'll pull off your arm and I'll just run you over to the ER?" The cuffs unlock, but Ciel feels paralyzed. He can't move his body, can't speak, too afraid to mess up and say the wrong thing. The smack to the back of his neck sends him spiraling. He screams, metallic taste in his mouth that he keeps having to swallow and not spit out.

"Did you go deaf and dumb as well? What were you hoping to achieve with this grand gesture?"

"No, no, please Sebastian," he coughs, can't see anything on the sheets but can still taste blood.

"I'm sorry, I was only trying to sit up, please," he can't stop begging. Sebastian can't leave him like this, can't fuck him like this.

"Couldn't even do that right, fucking pathetic, remind me why I keep you again?" Sebastian's hands move off and Ciel can only sob in response. It's not as if he wasn't thinking the same thing when he tore his joint loose. He can't hear anything but the pounding of blood rushing through his ears, just waits until Sebastian is pulling him up, turning him around so they're face to face. In Sebastian's hands is a blue and red striped necktie and syringe. What little courage he had goes cold.

"This is going to go one of two ways," Sebastian explains. "Either take the needle and pass out, or you can stay awake and stomach the pain of me setting your shoulder back into place." Ciel doesn't hesitate, he doesn't even care if what Sebastian is telling him is true. He'll take the darkness over being here.

"I don't want to be awake," he says, already feeling woozy with the pain, with what he's consenting to.

Sebastian hands him the syringe, "gotta tie your arm for a second, don't drop that," and uses the necktie to wrap right below his elbow. He easily takes back the Ketamine, flicking the syringe and looking like he's having just a little too much fun as he brings it down to Ciel's arm. He can't look, Ciel turns his face away, wincing when the syringe pierces through his skin and the liquid gets injected. It's a little like getting blood drawn and he's only glad that he's never had an issue with needles before. The tie gets undone, and Sebastian slides a hand in his hair, sorts through the strands with his fingers. It's so familiar that it helps calm him down. Sebastian lowers him down, back against the bed now and his limbs feel heavy, pressing into the mattress and finally able to relax.

His shoulder clenched to his chest still hurts but it's starting to lesson. He watches the ceiling of the room, can't look at Sebastian, not like this, but the ceiling is okay. There's the touch of a hand, and the sound of scissors cutting through fabric. Can almost feel the cold blade on his skin. The ceiling starts getting darker and darker until it's black. He can't see anything, can't feel, can't think, he welcomes the black. It's his only escape.

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><p><strong>Yeah, I really have no clue where this story is going, so wish me luck. Review! <strong>


	4. Chapter 4

**Aughh I wrote this in like an hour, I was kind of stuck on this story but I think I know where I want this to go. There is a lot of sex in this chapter, you can skip around it if you want.**

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><p><em>There's an unfamiliar kitchen in front of him. He's never seen it before, but he knows that he loves this kitchen. Ciel can tell that he picked out the dark furnishings, and he knows where everything is. Pots and pans underneath, plates and cups and bowls on top. There's the smell of gingerbread in the air, the oven on and there is leftover dough on the counter. <em>

"_Still cooking?" hands wrap around him from behind, a kiss to the side of his neck. He knows this touch, adores it. _

"_Still baking," he corrects, leaning back into the body behind him. Sebastian doesn't smell like gingerbread, he smells just like Sebastian, Ciel would recognize the scent anywhere. He holds his hands over Sebastian's. _

"_Are you nervous?" He turns to look at him, Sebastian's eyes shine, this is the happiest he's ever seen him. "Never. Your father loves me, and you're making cookies," he kisses Ciel's cheek, letting his hands slide around and he twirls Ciel so they're facing each other. _

"_I love you," he whispers, "love you for always."_

"_You better," Ciel smiles, gracing a soft peck over Sebastian's lips, "Love you too." Sebastian kisses him back, pushing Ciel gently until they reach the counter. _

"_They'll be here any minute," Ciel warns, knows how Sebastian can get carried away. _

"_Ruin all my fun," Sebastian jokes back but he's still smirking. Ciel kisses him again, wraps his arms around Sebastian's shoulders. He doesn't want this moment to end._

* * *

><p>Ciel feels like he could very easily get sick. His head throbs, his body is sore, and there is a sling over his left shoulder. He's used to waking up slick, Sebastian inside him, on his stomach, and this is no different.<p>

"Good morning sleeping beauty," Sebastian whispers in his ear. He doesn't sound angry anymore and Ciel is the tiniest thankful for that. More happy that he can't feel the pain, it must have gone alright then. At a jolting thrust he has to cover up his mouth, can feel the bile in his throat rise. Sebastian would not be pleased with that, he forces it down, not today, not now.

"You ruined my plans yesterday,"_ has it been that long already? _His days must be screwed up again. Sebastian runs a hand down his spine, "you're lucky you didn't need surgery for that dirty trick, silly boy." The fingers swipe down his crack, slick with lube and press at where their bodies are joined. Ciel bites at his hand, muffling the yelp he couldn't help. He isn't all that clear headed, no more than before.

The dream lingers at the back of his mind like a tease, he'll not be getting that today, not ever.

Sebastian continues, "I don't even think you can crawl with that sling on your shoulder. What shall I do with my pet that can't behave? Can't exactly cage you like this,"_ small mercies_, Ciel thinks.

Sebastian's hips are agonizingly slow, but Ciel knows why, can feel the dried up come on his skin, he's so wet, it's not all lube down there. He knows the feeling all too well. His own cock is hard, but it's as if that feeling is far away, he can feel the strain in his body but it's all muted. This must be the aftereffects of whatever it was that Sebastian gave him.

Sebastian continues to roll his hips down into him, his teeth at the back of Ciel's neck to suck another bruise there. The fingers at his rim press in, alongside Sebastian's cock and Ciel desperately wants to reject them, but his body craves the feeling of making Sebastian feel good. It doesn't matter that his mind screams at the intrusion.

"You always take what I give you," Ciel winces, he knows Sebastian is about to make him feel a whole lot worse, "Pet, you never really fought me off, not even at your most clear. You know why?" another bite to his neck, "you need this. If you had really wanted to leave why didn't you? You could have said anything to Claude, but no, you continued with my lie. Acted your part so well, because you know you don't want to leave."

His thrusts start to pick up, "you know that daddy and mommy dearest would never look at you the same way. If they knew how much you begged so prettily for me. The things you've done, would you be able to look them in the eye while remembering how well you have done the things you have done? Or remembering my feet on your shoulders as you ate out of a bowl like the bitch you are? Who would care for such damaged goods?"

Ciel's eyes burn with the images, memories overriding his brain, he can't not picture the awful things. "Stop," he cries, he can't think about his family while Sebastian uses his body like this, "don't talk about them, I can't-"

"Why not?" Sebastian interrupts. "Don't you want to know what they're up to? How they have moved on without you?" and that can't be true, his father never would have given up.

"How all your friends just forgot, how the loud one, Elizabeth, used interviews about you to talk about herself? They're all so happy without you there."

"You're lying," he has to be. Ciel can't believe that everyone would just give up, he'd never do that to one of them.

"Why would I need to do that?" Sebastian's hips snap down sharply, "fuck, so good," he breathes out, so close to Ciel's ear. "You're not leaving, so why would I lie to you? Shouldn't you be happy that they all moved on from their miserable lives? So selfish," he bites on the lobe, "did you expect them to still be searching for you? You've been replaced, they ruled you out as dead a month ago. Cold case, buh-bye."

No, no, that can't be true. They don't have a body, they don't have anything to suspect that he's dead. His father would not be okay with that, "my dad-"

"Oh yes, retired after a heart attack, his second one. He and mom moved far away, too many memories I'm sure," he laughs behind Ciel.

"Oh pet, is this upsetting you?" Ciel didn't even realize that he was crying, his whole body wracked with sobs. He can't think beyond that his dad had another heart attack and he wasn't there. He's not going to be there either, not again. A press against his left shoulder alerts him to Sebastian. It doesn't exactly hurt, but it's still sore, "They're happier thinking you're dead Ciel. No longer having to obsess about every unknown body that gets found in New York. Not trying to track down years old clues that lead them in endless circles with nothing new."

"Years?" that can't be right. He couldn't have been gone that long.

"Two of them yes, we're coming up to our anniversary but don't worry, I'm sure your shoulder will be healed by then."

Sebastian pulls back a little, fingers and cock slipping out of Ciel's ass.

"Want your mouth, want those pretty lips wrapped around me and having you gag for it." He maneuvers Ciel's body like a doll, Ciel acquiesces, letting himself get turned over and pulled whichever way Sebastian wants. Sebastian's hand touches over his face, sliding down the tear streaked cheeks, it falls away to his right shoulder, "go on. Earn your keep, pet."

His smile so big, eyes bursting with amusement. Once Sebastian leans back enough, Ciel carefully settles himself. He knows this, he can do this, a post-orgasm Sebastian will be so much easier to deal with. With his left arm in the sling he has to balance with only his right, keeping it on Sebastian's thigh as he sinks himself down. The first touch of his lips to Sebastian's cock instantly brings Sebastian's hands to his hair. He shields his teeth, doesn't fight it when Sebastian pushes him down.

"There we go," Sebastian sighs happily above him. His hips thrust up when the hands push Ciel down and it makes his throat constrict around Sebastian. Ciel pushes the impulse away, pulling back enough that the tip of Sebastian's cock isn't so far down his throat and starts to suck. He swivels his tongue over the tip as his head gets bobbed by the hands in his hair. He blocks out how only moments ago he felt like he was going to vomit, he breaks from the thoughts about his family and his friends. He thinks of taste, how he can easily distinguish between himself, Sebastian's precome, and Sebastian's come. It's sharper all together, getting swallowed down his throat like water. Two years of his life has been spent on his knees for this man.

He fears the days he let drift on, what if something had happened? It's too glaringly obvious that he should have not let that happen. Days got skipped and slipped over, at the time he thought it would preserve his mind but he can see now that it was just the beginning of the cracks that started to form. Hours upon hours wasted daydreaming about a home that doesn't exist anymore and he knows he's never leaving now. Not even if Sebastian let him free could he walk away, legs too weak, arm forever being a burden, body strung out, worn out, and his mind is so damaged, so broken. They'll never fix what's wrong with him. He'd rather die but he knows that won't be an option.

Sebastian will protect him from himself. Tie him up with ropes and chains so Ciel can't harm what Sebastian believes is his. Maybe it is at this rate, Ciel doesn't want this body, this mind, any longer. When come starts shooting down his throat he almost chokes. Habit and habit alone making him swallow down the semen until Sebastian is out of his mouth, the taste lingering as he licks his lips.

He doesn't know what to do anymore, mind empty, body so tired. He moves easily when Sebastian presses them together. Mouth on Ciel's and tongue thrusting past his open lips.

Ciel doesn't really feel it though, can't focus, can't think, just reacts the way he's been trained to.

"You did so well, pet," Sebastian murmured between kisses, carefully wrapping his arms around Ciel's waist. He says the words like he didn't just call Ciel a whore, slut, like he hadn't just told him everything he thought was a lie. Sebastian just continues kissing him, playful nips at his bottom lip, sucking on his tongue, even small closed pecks. Ciel keeps expecting it to escalate, for the hands at least to move down to his ass but it never does.

Sebastian pulls back, just enough for their lips to not touch, "breakfast, pet?" Ciel nods, he knows he should feel hungry, even if he doesn't feel the pains of it like usual. Sebastian kisses him once more and then moves off the bed, "I'll bring it back for you," he says and Ciel watches him walk out the door.

He wipes off the sweat from his body with one of the blankets surrounding him. Can still feel Sebastian's come inside him, from before, spilling out and drying uncomfortably between his cheeks. He can't look at himself, can't clean down there without Sebastian, doesn't want to see the wasteland that his body has become. His bones sticking out, stomach concave and ribs sharp against his skin. He doesn't need to feel his body to know how malnourished it's starting to get, he lives more off Sebastian's come than food some days.

Then there are the rainbow of bruises that get scattered over the stretched skin, purples, blues, greens, blacks, and browns, some yellow but not that many. He has seen glances of them, tries not to look at his body when faced with the mirror in the bathroom, doesn't usually look beyond his upper chest that's usually only blue and purple. He hates himself. Hates how easily he got molded into this person, this pet. Too afraid to even clean come off his body because Sebastian might be angry about it. His hands curl into fists, fuck, what has he become? Someone"s plaything? This is what Ciel Phantomhive has ended up as?

"Ciel, your hands are bleeding," Sebastian sets down the plates on the table. Ciel didn't even hear him come in, he brings up his right hand, oh, yes, there is a bit of blood underneath his fingernails. Sebastian sits him up, doll, plaything, pet, Ciel thinks. Holds a water bottle to his lips, "drink this," he says. Ciel's not given much to not obey, the water, no, not exactly water, slides down his throat easily. He keeps swallowing down, gulp after gulp until the bottle is empty.

"Good boy," Sebastian moves back, "I'll go get a towel for you okay?" He feels lightheaded, nods at Sebastian's words and waits until Sebastian gets out of the bathroom, wrapping a small hand towel over the cuts in both of his palms. They aren't too bad, already stopped bleeding, and Ciel sits patiently as Sebastian cleans off the fingertips.

"Thank you," he whispers, still itching where the come is dried but he doesn't want to ask, if Sebastian doesn't do it automatically, maybe it means they're showering later.

"Of course," Sebastian answers, kisses Ciel's cheek and tosses the cloth away.

"Hungry?" he grabs one of the plates, grabs a piece of ham with his fingers and holds it to Ciel's lips. Ciel opens his mouth obediently, a happy fog starting to cloud his mind and he's never welcomed that feeling more than ever.

Days pass, Ciel tries not to slip into an altered state but it gets harder with each moment. All he can think is what Sebastian wants. He been pushing thoughts of his family, of his friends, of escaping all back, what's the point? Sebastian was right before, he wouldn't be able to look at any of his family in the eye. He's forgotten his own fathers name, his mothers, what kind of person is he? To so easily forget things like that? Not one that deserves their freedom. That's for sure. It's easier like this anyway. Before, where he was fighting his mind, it was so exhausting. Now, things are Sebastian's way, and he hasn't been punished or called horrible names these last few days, it's a nice trade off.

He's laying on the bed now, spends most of his time here, unless Sebastian helps him out to the sofa in the living room. Sebastian hasn't made him try to crawl yet, shoulder still healing, but Ciel knows that this won't last forever. As soon as he gets strong enough it's back to his knees, but he's okay with that. He brings his right hand up to his neck, Sebastian hasn't put the collar back on. It feels so bare without the leather strap, he knows that Sebastian is waiting for him to ask for it. Knows that by the way Sebastian looks at his throat, the way his fingers and mouth lavish over the skin that he misses having the collar there as well.

He laughs to himself realizing that for once, there is no shackles on his body. Not a lick of metal slapped on his wrists or ankles. Sebastian is just outside of the room, he's not sure what he's doing, but he's been gone a while. Ciel grabs the water bottle off the bedside table, it's not really water but he doesn't have anything else and takes a large sip of the laced liquid. Whatever it is, it makes his mind happy. Sometimes it makes the walls move, and sometimes it drags out people from his past but he knows they aren't real. Rarely does it make his arms itch, Sebastian had to hold his hands one time, they washed blood from under his fingertips again that day.

He puts the water bottle back and leans against the pillows, maybe he'll sleep while he waits for Sebastian to be finished with whatever it is he's doing. Or, his hand trails down his body, strokes over his own cock. Sebastian loves his body, spends so much time tasting his skin, there isn't an inch of flesh that Sebastian has not touched with his tongue. Ciel hasn't, it almost feels foreign to him, he's so used to Sebastian's, never has touched himself while he's been here, it felt wrong before. It feels much better now, he drags his hand over himself, mind rewinding memories of last night, this morning. It really doesn't matter, he still has a toy inside of him, he presses down against the bed to push it further into him. Moaning wantonly as it touches his prostate and he wonders when the last time he actually came. He's so used to making sure Sebastian gets off he rarely focuses on himself. His skin is prickling with sweat, his heart is beating faster and faster, his lungs expanding as he breathes out shakily. He wishes that he had the use of his other hand, wants to touch, feel the difference between his skin and Sebastian's.

The bed dips beside him. Ciel didn't even realize his eyes were closed, but he can smell Sebastian and that only helps. He smirks, figures that Sebastian would come in once he found something to do.

"Are you having fun, pet?" Sebastian slides a hand to his chest, flicks a nipple with his finger.

Ciel nods, humming with approval as the hand moves up to his neck, always circling it, and up to his chin. Ciel opens his mouth, knows that's what Sebastian wants and gets rewarded by three fingers sliding inside. He sucks on them, gets them wet, knows this is what Sebastian likes. Sebastian's other hand is sliding down to where the toy is still snug inside him. He starts to thrust the toy into Ciel, presses the button that turns the toy on and it begins vibrating inside him.

Ciel moans around the fingers, hips arching up into the pleasure, he fists his cock harder, wants to come now, needs it. Sebastian pulls his fingers away, Ciel can feel him move down, scent so much stronger when their lips touch and he hungers for Sebastian, again wishing that his damn left arm was of some use.

"Want you," he tells him as the toy continues to fuck and pulse into his ass. He's so close, just needs Sebastian's permission, "please, Sebastian, please," he whimpers. A hint of a smile pressed against his cheek, a swipe of tongue to his lips, "you can come, pet." Ciel keens, low in his throat as he spills over his hand, sucks on Sebastian's lips as his hips roll up, still has the toy and it's still on, makes him come longer, harder. If he wasn't sleepy before he definitely is now.

The toy gets turned off and pulled out, he can feel Sebastian's fingers slide into him, three of them so easy with the toy keeping him stretched.

"You still have my come in you," Sebastian whispers it like a secret. Ciel already knows this, it's another reason why the toy was inside him.

"You wanted me ready," he replies, feeling the drags of sleepiness getting through him. He stifles a yawn, knows that he's going to be asleep soon. Sebastian laughs into his right shoulder.

"If only I knew before, I'd have kept you like this from the start," he says into the skin of Ciel's chest. Kisses a nipple and Ciel can't really process what he's saying. Sleep is arriving and he's so tired... Yet, at the press of Sebastian's cock into him he can't fall unconscious entirely.

Can feel Sebastian, the way he moves Ciel's legs up and over his shoulders, how he had dragged a pillow and put it under his ass, when did that happen? Ciel lifts his head so he can kiss Sebastian. It puts a little strain on his neck and shoulders but he doesn't mind. Wants Sebastian to be happy, happy Sebastian makes happy life.

He uses his right arm to pull Sebastian closer, can feel their sweat mixing as their bodies slides over one another. It's so loud, clamoring over the way their skin slaps as Sebastian rocks into him. He bites onto Sebastian's bottom lip, the touch of over sensitivity startling him.

The water usually dulls that, but maybe it was simply because he hadn't had enough. He'll make sure to get another sip before he falls asleep.

Sebastian bites back, smiling when they simply press their lips together, Sebastian's out of breath, so close now, his body is shaking above Ciel. In fact, Ciel realizes, he's sweating a lot more than usual, trembling harder too, he never does that.

"Are you okay?" he whispers, unsure if Sebastian wants him to comment on it.

"Fine, shhh," Sebastian kisses him quiet, thrusting deeper into him, and it's only twice more before he's coming, spilling into Ciel's ass and biting on his lip. He lets Ciel's legs drop to the bed, and pulls out, moves over slightly to collapse on his back next to Ciel.

"We have to go on a trip," he says, almost to the ceiling.

Ciel nods, "okay," he'll agree to whatever Sebastian wants. Makes no counter argument, besides, he's eager to dream away. He takes another sip of water and cuddles close to Sebastian, the blackness is ever so wonderful.

* * *

><p><em>Today just hadn't been his day. From missing his first class, to being late to his audition, he just wants this to be over. He's in line at Starbucks, he's just going to get his drink to go and then say goodnight to this awful day. The man in front of him is joking with the barista taking his order. Ciel looks at his raven locks, the hair falling a little below his ears, the stylish, expensive, brand-name clothes that he only wishes he could put in his wardrobe and he kind of wants to hate him. <em>

_Yet, his voice is soothing, and he seems only too nice, thanking the girl behind the register and turning back and fuck, Ciel didn't expect that, neither did the man. The coffee cup in his hands doesn't have a lid and just spilled all over Ciel's jacket, drips down to his Doc Martens. _

_"Ohmygosh I'm so sorry!" The man says, and Ciel almost scoffs, of course this happened today. He's almost ready to snap back with a comment but this stranger is pretty gorgeous. _

_He is offering Ciel a sympathetic smile, and looks truly saddened about what he did. "It's fine," Ciel tries to grin back. He fails. _

_"No, lemme buy you something? It's the least I could do," the barista behind them hands over a towel and the stranger dabs at Ciel's coat, "please?" he asks. "You'll be doing me a favor, honestly." Is he being flirted with? Ciel isn't used to the attention. _

_The stranger is still smiling, his eyes full of hope, and Ciel can't help but think that yes, he most certainly is being chatted up in a line at Starbucks. _

_"Okay," he agrees, holds his hand out, "I'm Ciel." _

_"Sebastian," the man, Sebastian, replies. Their hands shake and Ciel never wants to let go, he does though, stuffs it back into his pocket. _

_"Grande, nonfat, with whip, mocha?" he tells the barista, looking to Ciel as if it's a question. _

_"How did you know?" Ciel is completely charmed. _

_"I may have seen you here a few times, you grabbed my focus," Sebastian answers back, sounding a little apprehensive. Ciel just smiles harder, this guy, this gorgeous guy, noticed him before and cared enough to memorize his coffee order. _

_"Now I'm beginning to think you spilled coffee on me on purpose," he jokes back to Sebastian. _

_"Oh no, just that naturally clumsy. You have no idea," Sebastian self-deprecates. _

_"Tell me more?" Ciel says. "We can sit for a while, unless you have something to do?" _

_Sebastian reaches out for Ciel's hand again, it feels a bit possessive for someone he just met, but Ciel isn't used to this and maybe it's just him, "there's no where else I'd rather be."_

* * *

><p>Everything is so heavy when he wakes up. He can hear Sebastian shuffling around, muttered panicked curses picking up when he gets closer to the bed, fading as he moves away. Ciel registers that there are jeans on his legs, and a tee shirt on his torso. The jeans itch, but the top smells like Sebastian, he absently brings it to his nose to inhale the scent, letting it wash over him.<p>

"Ciel," Sebastian sounds so sad, Ciel wants to open his eyes but they won't cooperate, he holds his hand out instead.

It is instantly taken, can feel Sebastian crouch over him, their lips coming together like magnets but everything feels off. Sebastian's face is wet, and where their chests are pressed, Sebastian's heart is beating madly.

"I had so many plans," Sebastian tells him when their lips part.

"What's wrong?" is it about their trip? Ciel clutches Sebastian's shirt, pulls their foreheads together when it seems like Sebastian is trying to get away.

"I gotta go," Sebastian whispers, breath coming out shaky, "I can't take you with me, it's too late." His hand comes over Ciel's, pries Ciel's fingers off of him.

"What?" Ciel can feel his own tears now, threatening to spill. Sebastian can't leave him here, he'll die. "Was I bad?" Sebastian gets close again, hand on his face.

"No, no, no. You're perfect. You're mine, no matter what anyone else says. No matter what happens, okay? I"m gonna find you after some time passes," he presses a kiss to Ciel's hairline, presses leather into his hand.

"I"m so sorry, pet," and then he is off of Ciel. "But," none of this makes sense, Ciel can't process with his mind going so slow. He has never heard Sebastian apologize before, not once.

"I"m yours," he tells, not sure if Sebastian is even still in the room.

There is a sudden crash near the front of the house, like someone is trying to break down the door, a smash of glass nearby. Gunshots start to ring out, the sound of a dog snarling and

Ciel can't understand how all this happening. He just woke up, they were supposed to go on their trip. Sleep is pulling at him again, too overwhelmed for what is going on, and he lets it drag him under, back into nothingness.

* * *

><p><strong>Oh shit it's the police. Ciel will BE SAVED YAY! hahaha no it isn't that easy. It never is. Review!<strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**Fuck I am sorry guys, I posted chapter 5 earlier today in school only to realize it didn't actually post. But anyways, here it is. CHAPTER 5 /spirit fingers/.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

><p>There aren't dreams to welcome him. Flashes of strange things, people he's never seen hovering over him. Sounds of himself screaming when one of them tries to touch him, even worse when someone tries to tug the collar from his hands. Machines in a vehicle. Needles pressed into his underarm. Whispers of 'undernourished, sickly.' White walls. White ceiling. A man trying to ask him questions but Ciel can't hear him and can't make his own mouth move.<p>

His father and mother sitting in chairs looking at him with such pity. Blackness.

_They're in bed, Ciel is sitting up in the sheets while Sebastian is half asleep. His shoulder is all healed, left hand swirling through Sebastian's raven hair, right hand clasped in Sebastian's hand. _

"_I love you," Sebastian says, reaching to pull Ciel back down. Ciel goes willingly, sliding under the covers with Sebastian and letting Sebastian manhandle their positions until Ciel is straddling his waist. He can feel the relief pour from Sebastian, the boy always seems so stressed until he's with Ciel. They've already fucked once, Ciel splayed on his stomach while Sebastian opened him up with tongue and fingers. Sebastian loves his ass, his hands stray there most of the time, he can make Ciel come the fastest when he's got his tongue buried in between the cheeks. Ciel doesn't remember coming this morning, remembers last night, Sebastian's cock so deep in his throat and just taking it. Having no shame as the second Sebastian's fingers encircled him he climaxed. He can feel Sebastian now, sliding down Sebastian's body slowly, can feel him hard and hot against his ass._

"_You woke up quick," Ciel smirks, rutting against Sebastian to get some friction for himself. _

"_You're just that alluring, pet," Sebastian smiles back. Ciel kisses him quiet, today feels like a good day. _

"_I love you," he whispers into Sebastian's lips, sealing it with more kisses._

Beeping. Incessant, and loud, wakes Ciel up. He doesn't want to be awake, he knows that Sebastian is gone and there are things attached to his arms, can feel an itchy cloth over him, but he still has the collar in his hand. He can't smell Sebastian here, it smells like medicine and bad dreams, he can't think about what happened.

Sebastian is gone, oh god, Sebastian is gone and now he's going to be alone. One of the machines really starts to beep now, he can hear muttering of how fast his heart is beating, but he can only remember how fast Sebastian's was against his chest.

"What's wrong?" and that voice sounds familiar.

"He's awake," that one isn't. He feels a hand try to grab the collar again but he pulls it close to his chest.

"No, mine," he whispers, it's all he's got. He can't give it up.

"Ciel, you can let it go now. You're okay." There is that voice again, the familiar one. His eyes hesitantly open, shutting quick at the bright light and blinking. When he can focus, he can see that he's in a hospital. Strapped to a bed, I.V. in his arm, and his step-mother and father standing, starring at him. He feels like it's a little anti-climatic, he should be more happy about this, yet the touch of the collar makes him ache for Sebastian.

"Where's Sebastian?" If they know would they tell them? He can't really focus, there is too much, maybe if he knew where Sebastian was...

"He got away, but I'm sure the police will find him," his father says, he sounds almost angry. Ciel lets out a sigh, okay, Sebastian is okay, probably going to wherever he was going to take Ciel.

"But you don't have to see him again, we'll make sure of it."

"But," Ciel doesn't understand, "I'm Sebastian's." Even he can feel the tension once the words leave his mouth, his father looks at him crestfallen, mother looks like she's about to cry.

"No, you don't get it, you guys moved on, you weren't supposed to find me."

His father isn't even looking at him anymore, "I'll get a psychologist up here," the unknown man says, but Ciel isn't listening. His skin is burning where they have the needle to the I.V., he wants to go home. Ciel looks down at his left shoulder, properly placed now but he still can't feel it. He remembers the care that Sebastian put into it, when they showered and how he'd hold Ciel close, make sure that he didn't twist it out of place. How carefully he'd put the sling back on, Ciel doesn't want to do that without Sebastian.

"Ciel," it's his mom, why can he not remember their names? "We missed you."

"Not enough to find me," he snaps back, "everybody was better off without me. Sebastian needs me."

"No, Sebastian needs to be put in jail and some really intense therapy, Ciel. Why are your legs so weak? You're practically starving, what was he doing to you?"

And Ciel can hear Sebastian's voice in his ear, _you know that daddy and mommy dearest would never look at you the same way. If they knew how much you begged so prettily for me. The things you've done, would you be able to look them in the eye while remembering how well you suck me? Or remembering my feet on your shoulders as you ate out of a bowl like the bitch you are? Who would care for such damaged goods?_

"Can you guys go please?" he thinks he needs to cry for a good ten years, he feels cold and can't break down before his parents.

"Ciel-"

"Just go, please." Ciel needs to be alone for a while. Needs to understand what has happened. Sebastian isn't his boyfriend but he is, he's Sebastian's, no matter what. Needs to try to get his head back on straight. He is back with his family, it's all he wanted for so long.

It occurs to him, "It was Claude Faustus wasn't it? He recognized me."

"Yes, called the police this morning, we'll just be in the waiting room okay?" Ciel nods, watches them leave and when the door closes he lets out the tears he was holding in. He's out. He's safe. He's where he needs to be to get help. He doesn't care. He knows how wrong that is. Knows that wanting Sebastian now is probably a side effect of his imprisonment but he can't stop the desperate yearning in his stomach, his heart, his mind. They all pulled him towards Sebastian, always, and now? What is he supposed to do now? Get better? He can't imagine his life post-Sebastian. He had given it up, it almost feels unfair of them to bring him back now. There isn't a way to reconnect the giving up parts of his brain to the others, not at this moment.

He can't even imagine telling others what happened to him, what he and Sebastian had done. They're not going to understand, how could they? Even the nice things, the little things, they're not for anyone else to know. He leans his head further back into the pillows, they're nothing like the ones he's used to, his whole body is itchy and uncomfortable. He can't seem to drop the collar either, still in his hand, creating an indent to where he pressed against it. Only a matter of time until they do take it, he is surprised it's still with him, surely they could have gotten it from him when he was passed out?

The door gets knocked on, two loud thumps that make Ciel's head hurt. Another man peering in, "I'm Mr. Spears, the psychologist."

Ciel rolls his eyes to the ceiling, the time for thinking is now over. It goes on like that for days.

The doctors, the police, both asking him what happened, how did he get to be this way. Even Vincent and Rachel asking, but Ciel doesn't dare. He just tells them that Sebastian and him stayed in the house, nothing more, nothing less. He doesn't even talk to the psychologist, the man keeps throwing out these stupid theories, saying he's got Stockholm Syndrome, and this thing called Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Ciel is sure the guy is nuts, he knows perfectly well that Sebastian was awful to him, he remembers how many fights they had gotten into, how many punishments had broken his mind. He knows that he should be hating Sebastian and happy he's safe, but he can't connect to anything. Even his father can't touch him without him wincing.

The dreams just continue too. Getting stronger, and they are just that, dreams, idealized life with Sebastian. He doesn't get the nightmares that involved his memories any longer, those stopped so long ago. Figures that his fucked up body and mind wouldn't want to cooperate, they've always sided with Sebastian. Still, he's going to go to Vincent and Rachel's house, the doctors aren't happy about it, neither is the police but they can't make him stay here. It's all he asked for, he had to manipulate Vincent a little, saying how he didn't want to have to beg for home but he needs out of this hospital.

His legs are a bit better too, he can walk on them much longer without support. The physicality of his time are easier to heal than the cracks in his mind, like how often he can't sleep because he keeps waiting for Sebastian. The doctors gave him some sleeping pills but he doesn't take them, hides them instead in the small bag of possessions he got back. He still has the collar too, just wrapped it around his wrist like a bracelet, no one can take it off this way and it calms him down seeing it there.

"Ready to go?" Vincent asks him, offering a hand that he knows Ciel will not touch. Ciel is dressed in sweats, a lot less fabulous but clothes don't hold the same spark as they did before. Everything still makes him itch, he scratches at his skin but is careful to not do too much, does not need them to think that he's crazy. So, he follows Vincent, (just Vincent, Rachel's at work and he hasn't heard a mention of anyone else wanting to see him) out of the room, gets into the wheelchair that he's bound to until they get to Vincent's car. Signs all the papers for his release, happy for once that Vincent was a well known because it's probably the only way this is really happening. He's used to drifting, does it on the drive back to Vincent and Rachel's.

There's something prickling at his skin, in his mind, today feels different. He's been off the drugs that Sebastian gave him for almost a week now, head not foggy anymore, but the hospital also gave him numbing agents for his shoulder that actually is nearly healed. Apparently Sebastian fixed it correctly, it's sore for now, his sling got taken off, replaced and now it's free. He still holds it close to his body when he isn't doing exercises to help get the muscle back. Sebastian hadn't lied about it being fixed for their two year anniversary, it's coming up in three days. It's odd to think about time. He hasn't had to in so long and now knowing the days, the hours, the very minutes of the day, it makes time seem go by so slow. He has a new cell phone now, programmed with all of his old friends numbers but he has no desire to talk to them, not really to anyone.

He speaks with Vincent on superficial topics, they don't mention the last two years, they don't talk about the future. Vincent doesn't even look at him in the eye, he stares at the collar on his wrist, a frown always etched on his features like he's disappointed that Ciel is so weak.

"This is it," Vincent tells him, pulling up into the driveway of a large home. Ciel doesn't take in the features, everything is pretty muted now. He just follows Vincent into the house, into the kitchen where Vincent will probably make food that makes Ciel sick. It's not that he doesn't want to eat, but they expect him to have so much, his stomach just can't take it. So he picks at whatever they put in front of him, it all tastes the same anyway.

"Ciel? You with me?" Vincent asks. Ciel blinks, they're sitting at the table, food in front, and Ciel's been staring at the table like it's a Picasso painting.

"Sorry," he says on reflex.

"Ciel, you don't have to apologize for every little thing. It's okay." But it's not, nothing is okay, Ciel knows how wrong he is, how fucked up he is, and if anyone found out...

"I'm pretty tired, is it okay if I take a nap?" He holds onto the phone, the same hand as the collar, he keeps expecting an unknown number to text him, tell him what to do but it's silent. He's free now, what is Sebastian waiting for?

"Yea, um, there's a guest room in the basement, or one upstairs, take your pick," Vincent looks afraid, but Ciel just can't please anyone, he's not even trying to make himself happier. He does smile though, small to him as he passes and decides to take the guest room in the basement.

The idea of being in a room that has a window to the outside seems dangerous. The stairs tire him out, his legs are burning by the time he reaches the bed and lays down. Where are you Sebastian?

His eyes locked on his phone, it's turned on vibrate because he can't let anyone else know. He knows it's fucked up. God, Sebastian raped him over and over again, put him in a cage, made him blind and deaf and he's still waiting for him. Wanting to be back with Sebastian, but he just can't see any other way to move forward. He wasn't lying when he told Sebastian that he was it for him, and he doesn't want to be alone. Ciel knows that Sebastian is somewhere.

The room is dark and he has to step carefully to avoid making sound. He feels his way over to a wall, can hear breath, he's so close, just one more-

"_Sebastian!" two hands come up behind him, spinning him so his back is against the wall. "You cheat," he still can barely see him, but he can smell him, he's missed that scent so much, he ducks his head bringing his nose to Sebastian's neck. _

"_You're such a dog, smelling me," his voice is fond, petting at Ciel's sides that are bare, oh, wow, he didn't even realize he wasn't wearing anything. He feels around Sebastian, can feel boxers but no, there isn't anything else. He lays his hands down low on Sebastian's hips, whimpers when Sebastian nips at his collar bone. _

"_You're one to talk, always chomping on me," his words have less merit when he moans at the end, Sebastian sucking on the back of his ear, hands slipping down to his ass and pressing them harder together. _

"_Fuck," Ciel can feel just how much Sebastian wants, rolls his hips against Sebastian, gets their mouths back to one another. He smiles hard into the kiss, this is what he wants, what he needs. He can feel Sebastian's answering grin and soon they aren't even kissing anymore, just smirking against each others lips. He's laughing, sliding his hands up to get to Sebastian's hair when the lights snatch on, he has to close his eyes against the brightness, instantly missing Sebastian's touch._

When his eyes open, Sebastian is gone. Ciel wakes up to the light, he doesn't remember turning on the lamps, but maybe Vincent came down and did that for him. It's still early, according to the clock on the other side of the wall, not even five in the afternoon but he can't get up, body having settled into the mattress. His hand coming up to check his phone, he didn't mean to fall asleep, but his phone just tells him the time, there are no missed calls, no missed messages. Maybe he just needs more time, he did say 'when some time passes,' but what is 'some time?' how is Ciel supposed to measure that?

His heart is crushing, he feels like he can barely breathe without Sebastian. Just barely holding it together in front of everybody else and he's not even doing that great of a job. He knows that he's going to have therapy sessions, six times a week, and physical therapy for his leg and arm twice a week. His body will repair, but his mind is gone. They waited too long, he already gave up, he can't get better from this, he just wants Sebastian. He opens up his message folder in his phone, starts a blank one. **I know you're everything that's wrong with me but it doesn't stop me from wanting you.** Saves it, starts another. **You fucked me up, you need to be here to deal with it.** Another. **Just find me. You have never lied to me. Find me. Please.** He can't stop, soon his draft folder boasts fifty-six messages all to a blank sender. Ciel locks his phone and holds it to his chest, maybe Sebastian is waiting until their anniversary. He'll try to hold out till then. It hurts.

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><p>This pain in his stomach, in his body, all in his mind. It doesn't stop. He can't eat the day of their anniversary, every time he tries he ends up in the bathroom spilling his guts over the toilet. He's empty, paler than ever, the bags under his eyes look like bruises. There is no outside world to him, he refuses to go to therapy, to see a doctor. What good can they do? There is no way to fill this void that consumes him. At night he lays on his bed, stares at the ceiling for eight hours and tries to not think of how much he's decaying. He knows Rachel and Vincent are worried. They keep coming to check up on him in the bathroom, offering water, bread, saltine crackers. He finally curls in on himself on the floor after getting a blanket from Rachel. Can feel how hard the floor is on his still mending bones but at least that detracts from the ache. He's going to die, he can't survive.<p>

"He's like a ghost, Rachel." Vincent's voice carries lightly down the stairs from where they sit in the kitchen.

"Going to end up in the hospital again if we don't do something." Rachel hesitates before answering, "I think in his mind if Sebastian isn't around than he shouldn't be either." She sighs, "he's gaining strength in his legs, and his arm is doing well, but I don't think he can even sort out his mind. It's a side effect of the C-PTSD. He's having dissociative episodes more often now, I'm not even sure if he realizes when he's awake most days. Especially not today." They all know what today is.

"Isn't there something we can do? He looks so hopeless," his father sounds nearly close to tears, Ciel wishes he could feel bad for it. He listens to the sound of chairs, and turns away from the rest of the conversation.

Presses a finger to a vein in his wrist, can feel the blood pumping away. All of today he had hoped for something from Sebastian but nothing, not a peep, not a whisper, nothing. Sebastian must not want his damaged goods anymore. He would have gotten a hold of him by now if he had, after everything they went through, Sebastian would have tried harder. Maybe Ciel isn't worth that work anymore. Ciel certainly doesn't feel worth much nowadays. Despite what Rachel thinks, he knows the differences between sleep and waking, he just doesn't really differentiate the two so much now. What does anything matter if Sebastian isn't here? There is no cure for Ciel's fucked up mind, no one will want his fucked up body, he wishes for death, it has to be better than this endless stream of days.

It is dark all around him. The kind that fills in every sense, no sight, sound, smell, there isn't even any taste. Touch though, he can feel the floor underneath his bare feet. He's pretty sure he's naked, but he can't make out anything else. His legs are walking, it's endless. A pathway of blinding black. His body keeps moving, determined in a way his mind will never be again but nothing is there. Nothing is anywhere here. He can't even open his mouth to speak, can feel a gag in his mouth and his vocal chords are paralyzed. His legs burn and he just can't go on anymore, he crumbles to the ground, hot tears spill down his cheeks but he can't hear how hard he's sobbing. Can barely breathe. Feels like he's underwater and can't move, can't think, can't do anything. There is wetness, gushing out of his legs, his stomach, his arms. And then there is nothing at all.

Ciel wakes up on the floor of his bedroom. Ever since the anniversary he can't sleep in his bed. His body jumping at the realization that something is buzzing. There is a vibration on the floor, his phone is buzzing, bright screen lighting up and he scrambles to stop it. His heart nearly stops when he sees an unknown number calling him, it's three in the morning, and with his throat choking on a breath he presses the answer button.

"Sebastian?"

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><p><strong>Please Review! :3 Maybe 2 more chapters, 3 if I add graphic sex. Also, you can follow me on tumblr (links on my profile) ask me questions, tell me I suck, idk. <strong>


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